That Ship Has Sailed

It finally happened at 51 years old,  (1,617,255,554 seconds old).   I was not the one that everyone thought didn't look their age.  That torch has been passed on to my daughter.  Amanda and I were getting a mani/pedi.  The technician asked Amanda if she is a runner (she has strong calves).  Amanda said yes and proceeded to talk about her running and running while pregnant.  When the tech learned that Amanda  had a child she acted shocked and told Amanda: "You have a baby, I thought you were one of the high school students getting ready for semi-formal.  You look so young."  There is no disputing the fact that Amanda does look young.  It's just that used to be me!  I was the one people would say looked young.  I used to be able to use my physical attributes to get the advantage.  Not anymore.  As they say, "that ship has sailed".  Son of a...
Now I have to rely on my smarts and wits to get the advantage.  Oh shit, I'm in trouble.  Showing a little cleavage was so much easier than having to think.  Now if I do that I run the risk of being arrested for disgusting exposure (not to be confused with indecent exposure which is much more provocative).

I know what I need to do now.....quit hanging out with anyone younger than me.  If I start hanging out at the Senior Citizens center I would no doubt be one of the younger ones.  I could rise back up in the ranks.

Carry on Amanda use it to your advantage and enjoy it while it lasts.  As they say...If you got it, flaunt it before it fall to low that no amount of push up will help.  Maybe "they" don't say that, but "they" should.

Life & .....

Aging sucks for man as well as beast. Poor Bear! Bear is 16 which is like 112 in people years?? He's deaf, blind, incontinent, shaggy, has nubs for teeth, stands lopsided, coughs all the time, and has a bad heart. He still however; gets up to greet whoever enters the garage. He also still patrols as the ever vigilant watch dog, even though most of the time his nemesis happens to be a moving branch on a tree.

I took him to the vet today because his cough is getting worse. I told the vet I needed some guidance as to what to do. I don't want him to be in pain, but I don't think he is ready to give up yet. The vet assured me he wasn't suffering. That made me feel better. The vet adjusted his meds and I came home with my shaggy, blind, deaf and feeble dog.

The day that Bear stops chasing the chickens (chasing as in taking two steps toward them and falling down) that is the day I'll know he's done. For my sake I hope to find him dead of natural causes curled up in his cardboard dog house. I can't bear the thought of being the one to take away his final breath by lethal injection. I've watched people die before; and that's terrible enough. I watched Joe's Golden Retriever; Al, be put down and that was devastating (poor Al). While I know euthanasia for animals is mostly a humane thing, it's still unnatural and it's bothersome.

I don't like being in this holding pattern of life and death. I certainly don't mean to compare animal life to human life as being on equal ground. While I have compassion and respect for animal life, I would choose a human life over an animal any day of the week.

I'm in the middle of typing and I just get a call from the nursing home where my Mom is. When I see the number on the caller ID I brace myself a bit, not knowing what I will hear when I pick up the phone. As long as I don't answer, everything is still ok. All that can change after I say "hello". This call wasn't about my Mom, it was about Joe's Mom. Dreama will be a new resident of the nursing home this afternoon. She had a stroke last week and is no longer able to live in the assisted living facility that she has lived in for upwards of 8 years (maybe more). The paperwork needs to be done for her admission. I am now pretty much an expert on elder care paperwork after stumbling through it with my Mom. I don't know if Dreama knows yet that she is going to be a permanent resident of the nursing home. She will not be happy (who would). She is a little more vocal about her feeling than my Mom, so I am a little scared. Not that I'm afraid of Dreama, I'm afraid that she will not do well. She is used to being around her friends and being social. She unfortunately will be more isolated at the nursing home especially since she cannot get around on her own. My Mom on the other hand actually did better when she went to the nursing home because she went from being isolated in her room at the assisted living place to having more people around all the time.

I don't really like this time of my life. It feels so unsettling. There is such a huge spectrum of issues and emotions; from birth to death.

I know what Bryan will say: "Mom, don't forget your sayings!" You're right Bryan. I will "Embrace The Journey" and take it one day at a time.

Identity Crisis

I'm having a major identity crisis. Maybe it's because I'm hanging around with women 20 years older than I am. I don't know. My hair doesn't look right, the clothes I have don't seem to fit my personality anymore. I'm not sure where I fit in. Everyone here is older and everyone at home is younger. Maybe I'll start a support group for women turning 50. I'll call it: "The What The Hell Are We Supposed To Do Now" support group. I'm thinking about the haircut that Katie Holmes has on the cover of Glamour. What do you think??

Barbie Is 50

I was born the same year as Barbie. So was Simon Cowell, Danny Bonaduce, Fabio, Jessica Hahn and Marie Osmond; just to name a few. I'm pretty sure we've all had a little work done especially that bitch Barbie. The top photo is how she looks now, left photo is of her in 1959. I actually had the 1959 Barbie. I think Steve got it for me. I wish I still had it, it's worth thousands of dollars now. One sold on e-bay a few years ago for over $3500.00. If you examine her photos of today versus 1959, you can tell she's had work done. She never used to have a belly button so for sure she's had a tummy tuck. Her eyes also look a little lifted at the corners so I'm pretty sure that indicates a possible face lift or at the very least an eyebrow lift. She's probably had some chemical peels as well because she should have some sun spots on her face from all of that time she has spent in Malibu. It's a fact to that blondes don't age as well as brunettes. Her ponytail is probably a little tight too. That helps give the appearance of smoother facial skin. I actually have a hair clip that not only pulls up my hair but my face as well. I wear it when I'm feeling old. Instant face lift. This photo of Barbie is how she would look had she not had any work done.

Random Thought of the Day

It would be so much easier to shop for and try on dresses if all of my body parts were in their proper positions. Just thought I would share.

I was just wondering.......

about those ads that claim to fight the invisible signs of aging.
a. If they are invisible how do we know the product is working?
b. If they are invisible signs, then why do we care?

Arthur Itis

I went to an ortho doctor the other day to have him look at my shoulders. Both of them are sore, mostly the right one. I wanted to make sure that my own diagnosis of tendinitis was correct, and that I wasn't going to injure myself further by doing Yoga. Yoga by the way is awesome! I believe it to be the best exercise that you can do for your body. My ortho doc agrees. I have done it on and off for years. Why I ever stop is a mystery to me, because it makes me feel wonderful! I digress. So the doc says yes I have tendinitis, but I can continue with Yoga. Yah! Then he says in an "oh by the way" tone, you have some arthritis in your AC joint. (Joint between the scapula and clavicle.) WHAT!!! I didn't have to know that, I'm not having pain there. Was that his way of saying; "your getting f-ing old!" AHHHHHHHH! My first arthritis diagnosis. I blame Dave Hart. My boyfriend from 1975-1977. He was a weight lifter, so I lifted weights too. That set me up for my current shoulder problems. Damn you Dave Hart.