That Ship Has Sailed

It finally happened at 51 years old,  (1,617,255,554 seconds old).   I was not the one that everyone thought didn't look their age.  That torch has been passed on to my daughter.  Amanda and I were getting a mani/pedi.  The technician asked Amanda if she is a runner (she has strong calves).  Amanda said yes and proceeded to talk about her running and running while pregnant.  When the tech learned that Amanda  had a child she acted shocked and told Amanda: "You have a baby, I thought you were one of the high school students getting ready for semi-formal.  You look so young."  There is no disputing the fact that Amanda does look young.  It's just that used to be me!  I was the one people would say looked young.  I used to be able to use my physical attributes to get the advantage.  Not anymore.  As they say, "that ship has sailed".  Son of a...
Now I have to rely on my smarts and wits to get the advantage.  Oh shit, I'm in trouble.  Showing a little cleavage was so much easier than having to think.  Now if I do that I run the risk of being arrested for disgusting exposure (not to be confused with indecent exposure which is much more provocative).

I know what I need to do now.....quit hanging out with anyone younger than me.  If I start hanging out at the Senior Citizens center I would no doubt be one of the younger ones.  I could rise back up in the ranks.

Carry on Amanda use it to your advantage and enjoy it while it lasts.  As they say...If you got it, flaunt it before it fall to low that no amount of push up will help.  Maybe "they" don't say that, but "they" should.

Life & .....

Aging sucks for man as well as beast. Poor Bear! Bear is 16 which is like 112 in people years?? He's deaf, blind, incontinent, shaggy, has nubs for teeth, stands lopsided, coughs all the time, and has a bad heart. He still however; gets up to greet whoever enters the garage. He also still patrols as the ever vigilant watch dog, even though most of the time his nemesis happens to be a moving branch on a tree.

I took him to the vet today because his cough is getting worse. I told the vet I needed some guidance as to what to do. I don't want him to be in pain, but I don't think he is ready to give up yet. The vet assured me he wasn't suffering. That made me feel better. The vet adjusted his meds and I came home with my shaggy, blind, deaf and feeble dog.

The day that Bear stops chasing the chickens (chasing as in taking two steps toward them and falling down) that is the day I'll know he's done. For my sake I hope to find him dead of natural causes curled up in his cardboard dog house. I can't bear the thought of being the one to take away his final breath by lethal injection. I've watched people die before; and that's terrible enough. I watched Joe's Golden Retriever; Al, be put down and that was devastating (poor Al). While I know euthanasia for animals is mostly a humane thing, it's still unnatural and it's bothersome.

I don't like being in this holding pattern of life and death. I certainly don't mean to compare animal life to human life as being on equal ground. While I have compassion and respect for animal life, I would choose a human life over an animal any day of the week.

I'm in the middle of typing and I just get a call from the nursing home where my Mom is. When I see the number on the caller ID I brace myself a bit, not knowing what I will hear when I pick up the phone. As long as I don't answer, everything is still ok. All that can change after I say "hello". This call wasn't about my Mom, it was about Joe's Mom. Dreama will be a new resident of the nursing home this afternoon. She had a stroke last week and is no longer able to live in the assisted living facility that she has lived in for upwards of 8 years (maybe more). The paperwork needs to be done for her admission. I am now pretty much an expert on elder care paperwork after stumbling through it with my Mom. I don't know if Dreama knows yet that she is going to be a permanent resident of the nursing home. She will not be happy (who would). She is a little more vocal about her feeling than my Mom, so I am a little scared. Not that I'm afraid of Dreama, I'm afraid that she will not do well. She is used to being around her friends and being social. She unfortunately will be more isolated at the nursing home especially since she cannot get around on her own. My Mom on the other hand actually did better when she went to the nursing home because she went from being isolated in her room at the assisted living place to having more people around all the time.

I don't really like this time of my life. It feels so unsettling. There is such a huge spectrum of issues and emotions; from birth to death.

I know what Bryan will say: "Mom, don't forget your sayings!" You're right Bryan. I will "Embrace The Journey" and take it one day at a time.

Use It Or Lose It

My desk doesn't look like that, but I'm pretty sure the inside of my head does. I have lots of things pinging around in my brain; it's hard to remember it all. I know what some people would say. "You can't remember because you are getting old!" To those people I like to say: "kiss my ass!". I prefer to call it information overload. It's just like when a computer gets bogged down with information and starts to run slower. It can't think as fast, so you have to do a disk clean and reboot. I haven't quite figured out how to clean my brain and reboot, but if I do you will be the first to know.

The other day I was using the spare key to my truck that has the door unlocking thing that doesn't work. I forgot that it was broken and I tried to unlock my door. For a split second I freaked because I wasn't sure how I was going to get into my car. Oh yeah, use the key. Who would have thought using a key in a lock would be old fashioned. Everything is soooo technical and has it's own set of instructions to memorize. I'm pretty sure that every gadget I own does a lot more than what I use it for, but I don't have the time or memory storage to figure it out. Plus, the older a person is the more they have to unlearn as well. Take for instance driving your car. Older cars required pumping the gas pedal to get it to start. If you did that to cars of today I'm not even sure what would happen. The biggest thing for me with regards to cars is to remember not to pump the brakes if you start to slide on ice. If you do that to anti lock brakes they go all screwy.

I apparently mumble a lot more too. Joe is constantly asking me: "What?" Talking out loud helps me remember what I need to do. I finally told Joe not to worry about what I say if he can't hear me. "If I want you to know something I will make sure you hear me, otherwise just ignore me or agree."

I have taken to carrying a small journal around with me wherever I go so I can keep notes. The problem is sometimes I can't remember where I put the journal. I could always put it on a chain around my neck with my reading glasses but that would be annoying. I read somewhere that if you want to look 10 years older, just wear a pair of glasses on a chain around your neck. I try not to do that, so consequently I forget where I put my reading glasses as well. I have 10 pair of them. They are usually pretty easy to find. Sometimes I find them on top of my head. That's the best place to find them because if I have to go to another room to look for them I will probably forget what I'm looking for by the time I get to the other room.

"Use it or lose it", they say. I'm definetly using it, I just wish the warranty was better.