How The Other Half Lives

 

Joe takes me to the nicest places, but only if it's free. We got to go to Dick Freeland's mansion tonight for a fund raiser. Little did they know, there weren't any funds to be raised from us. Joe's office made a donation so we got to ride in on their coat tails. For anyone that doesn't know, Dick Freeland is uber wealthy. He own 40 Pizza Hut franchises among other businesses. A few years ago he had the highest grossing Pizza Hut in the US. It was in Kendallville, Indiana. Anyway, he built this huge mansion which happens to be about a mile from our house. I like to tell everyone that we are neighbors. We go to his house for caviar and Kobe beef. He comes to our house for hot dogs. Not really, I don't even know what the guy looks like. Supposedly he was there tonight but I never saw him. He does fund raisers at his house all the time. The "house" by the way is 24,586 sq. ft., 19 rooms and 12 full baths, although it only has 4 bdrms. It was built more for an entertainment venue for the wealthy than a home. Apparently when he goes to the Pizza Hut in the sky, the house will belong to the State or City or something like that. He doesn't have to pay taxes because of whatever deal he has going on.
So we get there and right off some guy tries to steal our car. Joe said that he was a valet or something like that and it was ok. I don't know, it seemed fishy to me. We go through the front door that probably weighed 1000 lbs. It was the thickness of 2 doors and solid oak. The curtain on the window in the foyer probably cost more than my entire wardrobe. Now that I think of it, I could have made a pretty nice dress out of it. As we were standing in line to sign the guest book, I was looking around at all of the decorations. I'm quite sure that nothing was from Walmart. There was a basket on the table with these silver gourds. I had to touch them. They were heavy, solid. Probably Sterling Silver and there were at least 10 of them. I tell Joe: "Check these out, they aren't plastic, they're silver!" The lady in front of me didn't appear to be amused by my observation. We probably only saw a quarter of the house. What we saw was quite impressive. The food was really good, but it needed salt. Why don't rich people ever have salt on the table? Just because it's a buffet doesn't mean the food won't need salt. I give the dessert only a mediocre rating. What they had was good, but not much of a variety. I guess they spent too much money on the silver gourds and there wasn't enough left for dessert. The grounds around the house was my favorite. Beautiful views and gardens, and a small lake. I was gathering up a few select people to do a little skinny dipping in the lake, but Joe decided that it might not be such a good idea. I said that anyone that puts a lake, ponds and numerous fountains on their property is asking for people to skinny dip. It would probably be rude not to.
Yes it was beautiful, but I was happy to get back to our humble little home. Besides I hate cleaning the bathrooms that we have. Why would I want a house with 12 bathrooms.
Dorothy knew what she was talking about. There's no place like home!