Fly On The Wall

I'm having a fly problem just like Pres. Obama. Only I have multiple flies. I left the door open for about an hour yesterday and flies invaded my house. I probably killed 100. Then I realized I probably killed 50 flies twice. See, I was putting them down the garbage disposal without running it. I think maybe I was only stunning them and they would recover and fly out of the disposal. I wised up and started running the disposal. They are now under control. I tried to swat at them like Obama did, but I dislocated my shoulder. That's why he's the President and I'm not. After I saw the clip of him killing the fly, I thought...I wonder what PETA is going to say about that? Sure enough they are sending the Pres. a humane fly catcher. I wonder if it would have been ok with PETA if he fed the dead fly to a turtle. Then it wouldn't have died in vain. I'd probably get the death penalty if they knew how I pulverized the flies in my disposal.

Patti's TOTD #8:Keep your disposal and drain clean and running smooth. Pour vinegar and baking soda down the drain and let it sit for 20 minutes or so, then pour a pan of boiling water down the drain to rinse the residue away. Don't use too much baking soda, you may end up clogging the drain. Running a lemon through the disposal makes it smell good, and ice cubes help sharpen the blades. Most important tip of all...Don't put your hand into the disposal while it is running.

$$$$$

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it..(come on sing with me) I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! I sold my wood lathe today!!!! The guy already picked it up and he wasn't even a psychotic killer. Just in case I had my hand gun stashed in the barn.
When the guy first called me this morning, I thought it might be another weirdo. He asked if I still had the lathe and when I said yes, he went all girly on me and was so excited he couldn't say a complete sentence. "Praise the Lord!" He yells. I really don't think we need to get the Lord involved, it's only a lathe. I could picture Bryan putting someone up to this to prank me. The fact that he was 40 minutes late didn't help my confidence either. He finally showed up (he was lost). He was for real. He was just a really nice over the top kind of guy. You'd of thought that he died and went to heaven when he saw the lathe.
After he left, I realized that I get that guy. He was excited like I get excited when I go to an auction or walk into a craft store. In his mind he just got the best deal ever. Oh my GOSH...he's the male version of me! No wonder I liked him.

Yes Ma'am

If you are a hot guy in uniform (Military, Fire, Police...UPS guy not so much. Their brown shorts creep me out). Then you can call me Ma'am. If you are a 20 something female clerk at a hardware store, please don't call me Ma'am.





Patti's TOTD #7: Do you have a crusty dirty microwave at home or at work? The ones at work are always the worst because no one ever want to clean them. Amaze your friends by making clean up a breeze. Put about 1 cup of cider vinegar in a glass microwaveable bowl and place it in the microwave on high for about 2 minutes (longer if you microwave isn't very powerful). You want the vinegar to be bubbly and steamy.
BE CAREFUL when you open the door because if you get your face to close, you will get a nose full of vinegar. You can now literally wipe the oven clean with little effort. Heavily soiled ovens may require more than one application of vinegar. Don't be such a slob and you'll only have to do it once.

Scam With A Capital "S"

I listed my lathe on Craigslist again. I mentioned before about the weird responses I have gotten. Below is the exact message I just opened.

Thanks for getting back to me..I really appreciate your response to my earlier mail.like i said i will like to buy this item so pls do withdraw the advert from Craigslist. I will also like you to know that i will be paying by check due to the fact that i will not be able to meet up with the cash and local pick up.I will have my mover to come for the pickup as soon as the check cleared and cashed..I will need you to provide me with the following information to facilitate the mailing of the check.

1.Your full name
2.Your mailing address be it residential or office address.
3.Your phone number.

Hope to hear back from you.

Really! I'm gonna give my full name, address and phone number to a complete stranger that I am supposedly never even going to see. And... I'm gonna take a check. I'm no handwriting expert, but I believe that anyone that types a letter with some of the "I's" capitalized and the others not is probably a psychotic killer. I'll pass thank you very much. I don't need the $100 that bad.


Patti's TOTD #6: If it sounds too good to be true, then a psychotic killer is behind it. People Suck!