Day Number Two

Second full day at the nursing home and Mom says; "I hate it!" That sucks, but if I remember correctly she said the same thing about Kingston. I realize there will be an adjustment period so I am not getting to bent out of shape over it. She can't really pinpoint anything specific as to what she hates. She says everyone treats her nice. I think she would tell me if they weren't. I am making myself known. Asking names and hanging notes. See I know how this works. I've never worked in a nursing home, but I've worked at Hospice home and in the hospital. When you have three shifts plus weekend shifts at some point you need to make an appearance during all of them. Stuff gets missed, some people don't care, and some get so busy they forget what you ask them. Case in point, she's already missing two pair of pants and a shirt and I am the one doing her laundry. Obviously someone didn't check her chart and ended up putting her clothes in the house laundry. I told anyone that I saw about the issue. I figure out of six or so people one of them is bound to follow through and find them. I'm not out to make enemies. On the contrary, I want to make friends. I want them to be happy to see me when I visit but understand that I expect a certain level of care for my Mama and I will be watching. The thing that bothers me the most is the age of all of the aides. Most of the ones I have seen so far are between 18 and 22ish. Most girls that age don't have a clue about the life experiences of a geriatric patient or how to treat them with dignity. They are all nice enough, but are they willing to get in and do the dirty work that is needed to properly care for someone that cannot do it themselves? I guess time will tell.
I took her lunch today and we sat outside. I brought her McDonalds. One thing that hasn't diminished is her appetite. She ate every last bit of a fish sandwich, fries and a strawberry shake. I thought she was going to suck the wax off of the paper cup. She did everything she could to get every last drop. She can't do much of anything so eating is a good pastitme. Hershey's bar with almonds is her favorite. I wish I could eat Hershey bars and strawberry shakes and be happy about it.

The Brighter Side Of Things.

Since "they" say that life is what you make it, I like to make it fun. I try to see the humor in everything or at least the bright side. Taking Mom to the nursing home yesterday was no exception. It was a hard day, but it wasn't without it's lighter moments. Some moments I just had to laugh or I would have cried. Mom is pretty quiet these days but she can still make me laugh. She has become a little opinionated and isn't afraid to share some of those thoughts. One of the nurses came to say goodbye to her and wish her well. The woman was no more than a few steps away when Mom says; "I think she wears the same shirt everyday." She also wasn't above telling me to "shut up" and "quit asking me questions, I don't have anything to say!" I was trying to get her to open up about her feeling but apparently she wasn't interested. Every time someone new would come into her room and introduce themselves she would greet them appropriately then as they were walking out of the room she would look at me and wrinkle her nose. I also learned an interesting fact. Mom has a boyfriend. She says; "He doesn't know I exist, but he's cute." She was teasing....I think? It will however; remain an unrequited love because she had to leave him behind at Kingston.

Then there was the lady in the bathrobe, night cap and orange crocs running around the nurses station. That is going to be me! Running around and not caring what anyone thinks. Next was the lady sitting in her wheelchair in the hall with the neck of her shirt pulled up over her face to the top of her head. At first I thought she was crying, then I realized she was coughing. That was one of those laugh moments so I didn't cry. My favorite lady was Mom's table mate at dinner. Her name is Virginia. She has a very nice smile and sweet look about her. I introduced myself and my Mom and we chatted a bit. I thought wow she seems really with it. Good for her! I noticed that she repeated herself a few times. No big deal. Then she said she forgot her purse. We looked around for it and I told her that she probably left it in her room. She says: "I don't know how I'm going to pay." "For what I ask?" "My meal." Oh dear, not so with it. She then proceeds to ask the aide to write her a bill and she would pay it later. That is if they trusted her for it. When the aide told her it was free, she was astounded. "FREE! I've never heard of such a thing. Where are we? Ruby Tuesdays? I've heard that some days they give out free meals!" I laughed out loud. It was the most pathetic, adorable thing I ever heard. Just ask Bryan, he was there. I think it left him speechless and wondering what it was going to be like when I'm 80. Good luck Bryan and Amanda. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be a handful.

Hard Choices

Today I had one of those experiences that altered my senses and made me rethink the whole meaning of life. I moved Mom to a nursing home. It's one of those things that people with aging parents often think of, but never really grasp the gravity of until they actually have to do it. It is the single hardest thing I have ever done. Leaving her there this evening ripped my heart out of my chest. Neither the two LARGE glasses of wine or the hot fudge sundae did anything to console my broken spirit.
I've been to nursing homes before, lots of them. But I don't think that I really looked at the people or realized what it must be like for them. I looked at them today for the first time. Everyone in the dining room sitting there with a look in their eye as if they were seeing something not in front of them, but in another dimension. Some eating and some not. There was no conversation. Even the tables with four people sitting at it were silent. Everyone in their own little world. Maybe it's the control freak side of me, but I wanted to know what they were thinking. What if anything is behind those blank stares. Are they thinking; "it fucking sucks to be old but I'm too tired to scream," or are they so unaware of the fact that they are old and incapable of taking care of themselves that they are in an altered state of bliss? No more worries or responsibilities. I guess I won't know until I get there....or will I? There is no answer as to why after a vibrant life some people end up infirmed unable to attend to the most basic of needs. It's sad. It's even worst when it happens to someone you love. It's called the circle of life for a reason. We go out like we came in. Dependent on others to care for us. Except when we go out we're not as cute and a lot more wrinkly.
I have to keep reminding myself not to be selfish. Yeah it's hard for me, but it's not about me. It's about making Mom's time left on earth as happy as possible and being there for her like she's been there for me.

I'm Baaaack

This is probably the longest I have gone without blogging. Only one post since July 4th. Well, I think I am back on track. My computer works and the Internet is back up and running. My relationship with my Indian friend is over. He didn't help me anyway. After probably two and a half hours total of trying to resolve my Internet issue with the Indian guy, a good 'ol American guy from Best Buy diagnosed my problem in less than five minutes. Don't get me started on this out sourcing bull shit! For one, I can never understand them. Secondly, after my last interaction I think I know more than they do and I don't know shit about computers. Try asking them a question!!! If you get them off script they don't know what to do. My favorite part???? When they first come on the line it sounds like this:"djfkdj fjkdffd fjkdfd fjhdkfkd lfdjkfdj xsskfjrefdvcm my name is John." Really???? No, if you have that thick of an accent your name cannot be John! Hopefully I won't have to deal with them anytime soon.