Life & .....

Aging sucks for man as well as beast. Poor Bear! Bear is 16 which is like 112 in people years?? He's deaf, blind, incontinent, shaggy, has nubs for teeth, stands lopsided, coughs all the time, and has a bad heart. He still however; gets up to greet whoever enters the garage. He also still patrols as the ever vigilant watch dog, even though most of the time his nemesis happens to be a moving branch on a tree.

I took him to the vet today because his cough is getting worse. I told the vet I needed some guidance as to what to do. I don't want him to be in pain, but I don't think he is ready to give up yet. The vet assured me he wasn't suffering. That made me feel better. The vet adjusted his meds and I came home with my shaggy, blind, deaf and feeble dog.

The day that Bear stops chasing the chickens (chasing as in taking two steps toward them and falling down) that is the day I'll know he's done. For my sake I hope to find him dead of natural causes curled up in his cardboard dog house. I can't bear the thought of being the one to take away his final breath by lethal injection. I've watched people die before; and that's terrible enough. I watched Joe's Golden Retriever; Al, be put down and that was devastating (poor Al). While I know euthanasia for animals is mostly a humane thing, it's still unnatural and it's bothersome.

I don't like being in this holding pattern of life and death. I certainly don't mean to compare animal life to human life as being on equal ground. While I have compassion and respect for animal life, I would choose a human life over an animal any day of the week.

I'm in the middle of typing and I just get a call from the nursing home where my Mom is. When I see the number on the caller ID I brace myself a bit, not knowing what I will hear when I pick up the phone. As long as I don't answer, everything is still ok. All that can change after I say "hello". This call wasn't about my Mom, it was about Joe's Mom. Dreama will be a new resident of the nursing home this afternoon. She had a stroke last week and is no longer able to live in the assisted living facility that she has lived in for upwards of 8 years (maybe more). The paperwork needs to be done for her admission. I am now pretty much an expert on elder care paperwork after stumbling through it with my Mom. I don't know if Dreama knows yet that she is going to be a permanent resident of the nursing home. She will not be happy (who would). She is a little more vocal about her feeling than my Mom, so I am a little scared. Not that I'm afraid of Dreama, I'm afraid that she will not do well. She is used to being around her friends and being social. She unfortunately will be more isolated at the nursing home especially since she cannot get around on her own. My Mom on the other hand actually did better when she went to the nursing home because she went from being isolated in her room at the assisted living place to having more people around all the time.

I don't really like this time of my life. It feels so unsettling. There is such a huge spectrum of issues and emotions; from birth to death.

I know what Bryan will say: "Mom, don't forget your sayings!" You're right Bryan. I will "Embrace The Journey" and take it one day at a time.