Patti Get Your Gun

I hesitate to write about the events of yesterday for fear that it makes me sound like Annie Oakley on crack, but if I can't make fun of myself, then I can't in good conscience make fun of other people (which I soooo like to do).

It's strange to me that issues with my neighbors have come up back to back. We pretty much resolved the shooting incident; Bryan went over and talked to them. Now the ongoing pain in my ass that is my other neighbors dogs, has reared it's ugly head again. Just to get you up to date, the neighbors dogs have been a nuisance since they arrived. Their are 3 of them and they are huge. Shortly after they arrived they stole one of my (new) shoes that was in my garage and a coffee cup. I actually got the shoe back with a few teeth marks. When they wondered into the garage, they also wandered into the house. They have picked a fight with Ellie and Bear. They chase us barking and growling when we are on our lawn mower or 4 wheeler. They pee in my garden. So in general, they are a pain in my ass. I have in the past confronted my neighbors very kindly about their dogs. They even put in an invisible fence; which to their credit was a gesture of good will. The fence however; doesn't seem to work because they still come over. Oh I almost forgot. I called animal control on them as well. So suffice to say, they are aware of my feelings about their dogs. Which brings me to yesterday. I witnessed one of their dogs coming out of my barn(chicken house). He ran as soon as he saw me. Then I realized that one of the chickens was not with the rest of the pack. I followed the feather trail and found her huddled in the corner of the coop. I thought she was dead! Thankfully, she wasn't. I didn't check her out completly at that time because she was really scared and I was really pissed. That was the last straw! I had had it!!! I got in the truck and drove over to their house. I could have walked but it was cold, plus I had Jax. Besides, I figured screeching tires in their driveway would get their attention(just kidding, I didn't screech). I was really pissed. Not the crying screaming kind of pissed, just the passionate, adamant kind of pissed. I was able to control the tone of my voice, but not the words. I won't bore you with the entire dialogue. Bottom line, I told her if her dogs came on my property again I would shoot them. Yes, SHOOT THEM! Who am I, Rambo? I am the wife of a well respected doctor and I'm running around threatening to shoot my neighbors dogs! Just so you know, I would never shoot a dog unless it was attacking me or my family. Besides I didn't really mean I would shoot it with a real gun. I would use my paint ball gun which is locked and loaded by the back door. She didn't know that though. For all she knows I am some psycho neighbor with rage issues and a gun. Oops! Well I must have made an impression because later that evening her husband came to the door and told Joe that he was on our property looking for his dog because he was loose. Apparently not much else was said but Joe surmised that he wanted to let us know he was there so that I didn't shoot him. I wasn't even home at the time. Joe called me though and wanted to know what I did with their dog. I told him it wasn't me and I have an alibi. I have dated and timed register reciepts from Michael's and Kohl's. Don't say anything and call my attorney!

Property Lines

The question of the day is: How do you go about telling your neighbor they are a dumb ass, without completely alienating them? I really have no problem pissing off my neighbors, after all I called the animal control on our other neighbors. These new neighbors however have something we want so I would like to keep the lines of communication open. We have to have access to their property to get to the path that goes through the valley and our fire pit is sort of encroaching on their property. If they would have killed my son however; I don't think I would have worried about being charitable.
We obtained permission from them earlier in the year for the guys to hunt on their property. The boys were only hunting with a bow. We never ended up exchanging phone numbers, so the boys didn't let them know when they were hunting. Definitely a no no on our part. Bryan was sitting in the tree stand yesterday when a shot zinged past him on the right. Once he figured out what was going on, he started down the tree stand when a shot flew over his head. He said he thought about yelling out that he was down there, but he thought maybe they were actually shooting at him. He ran through the woods toward our house hoping and praying he would live to see 2009. So herein lies the dilemma. Clearly Bryan was on their property without their knowledge, however; the first rule in firearms safety is to know your target and what's beyond it. I don't think they had a target, and they were shooting from their balcony into the valley. For years, a lot of people have used that path in the valley for hiking and access to a pond for fishing. While they can do whatever they want on their property, they are being reckless. Bryan is going to go talk to them tonight so we will see if we have reasonable neighbors or if I'm going to have to move our fire pit.

Happy Birthday Bear

Bear is 15 years old today. Actually I don't know the exact day of his birth. He was a pound puppy that was found wandering the streets. We estimated him to be about 4 months old when we got him. January 1st seemed to be as good a day as any for his Birthday. He can't see very well and he's hard of hearing, but he still chases the chickens and jumps up a little when he sees us. What a good dog!

Thoughts for Today

As I sat in the dark at 5am this morning trying to get Jax to go back to sleep, I pondered what poignant and thought provoking topic I could discuss on my blog the first day of this new year. I couldn't think of anything poignant or thought provoking. Mostly I was thinking about how tired I was. Then all I could think of was how stupid Paris Hilton is. Joe and I watched about 15 minutes of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin Eve. There was a little cameo shot of Paris Hilton wishing everyone a "Happy New Year's." She probably has more money than she has education, so it's really not her fault. Paris, Honey, it's "Happy New Year." No "s" on the end, unless you are saying "Happy New Year's Day." Illinois isn't pronounced with an "s" on the end either. I thought I would point that out to save you some embarrassment later.
I really need to quit watching TV, unless it's a show where the actors are playing a character instead of themselves. They are less ignorant as characters.
What about that Dick Clark? God love him! He's had to work very hard to overcome the effects of his stroke and he's still pushing forward. That guy deserves the fruits of his labor.
Happy New Year to all of the people that work hard and love their neighbor. Those of you that think the world owes you a living....I hope you get what you deserve.

New Year's Resolution

My New Year's resolution is to not make any resolutions. Most people including me like to make the resolution to lose weight or exercise more. That is a great resolution, but rarely lasts more than a couple months. I would like to make the resolution that I will be 10 years younger by the end of the year, but short of a major miracle, that isn't going to happen either. Unless of course I visit my friendly neighborhood plastic surgeon. Funny thing, I got a Christmas e-mail from Dr. Lee's office. Seems they have a 10% discount offer going on right now. Even plastic surgeons are feeling the economic crunch. He's gonna have to wait though, I'm not up for that. (At least not yet).
Actually I am going to make a resolution. It's not something I can really fail at because it can't really be measured, so I am safe from ridicule for not having kept it. I resolve to make an "effort" to leave the house more and be more social. I know, Weird! I am actually well on my way to becoming a hermit. If I could get someone to shop for me, I would probably never leave the house. I am perfectly happy and content to stay in my own little world. I'll work on that and I guess we'll see what happens.

Happy Birthday Hailey

Hey Hailey, Happy Birthday. I hope you have a great Birthday. Let me know what fun and exciting things you do on your Birthday. Lots of Love and Kisses!

Have you hugged your wiener today?

Look at that face! How could you not kiss that wiener? I am sure by now you have figured out that I was talking about wiener dogs in my previous blog...or was I?
Robbie and Steve's dog; Kylie, had puppies and I completely fell in love with the little female runt. I would have brought her home in a heartbeat if I didn't think that Joe would be mad. I brought home a new Kayak and gun instead. My original pink pistol didn't work properly, so I returned it and got a little S&W 38 special revolver. It's cute, but it's not pink. (I know, guns aren't supposed to be cute, but it is). By the way, it's Steve's cock that's missing. Robbie saw it out the window on Saturday morning, but she hasn't seen it since. Steve is beside himself! Ok, I'll stop with the double meaning bantering, but it's so fun. Anyway, Steve has lost all of his chickens but one. Of the 10 or so dogs at Steve's house right now, 2or more of them killed the chickens. Poor chickies! Steve doesn't normally have 10 dogs, but he is watching Shane's 2 dogs and he still has some puppies left along with his 4 dogs. I thought I had a zoo!

Have you kissed a Wiener today?

My weekend was filled with multiple wieners and missing cocks. There were wieners everywhere. I had four on my lap at one time. We started out with six wieners, then someone came and bought one. Then there were three big wieners and two small ones left. I wanted to bring one home with me, but Joe said no. He didn't want Ellie to be jealous. I told him I would share my new wiener with her too, but he still said no. The missing cock was a big shock too. I really wanted to see it and maybe even hold it. Oh well, maybe next time. What a great weekend.