To My Mama

I know where you are but where did you go?  Physically you are in a nursing home.  I know that because I put you there.  I see your face, but your smile is faded.  I see pictures and keepsakes on the wall but you don't because your eyesight is all but gone.  You almost always remember me.  Today you called me Patti, but you asked me my last name.  I tell you about our family reunion and you ask me if Steve was there.  Then you ask if Roger was there and I tell you he is dead.  You act surprised and shake your head.  I didn't tell you this to upset you, I am just trying to bring you back to reality.  Back to me.  You tell me you are 140 and you are old.  You tell me you hurt all over and you are ready to go see Dad.  I don't discourage you, I want you to go too.  I feel like a horrible daughter.  I cry and you look at me with no emotion.  Where did you go?  I don't know you.  An aide and a newly hired aide came into your room.  She was introducing the new girl to all the residents.  You probably didn't hear because that is pretty much gone too, but she described you as a "biter, scratcher and yeller".  I could have gotten mad or rather I should have but she was right.  I know you are my Mother, but this is not you.  Where did you go?  My mother was a beautiful woman.  Always put together.  she made people happy and people looked up to her.  I could always count on her.  She had a love for her husband and family that was evident in everything she did.  I want to ask "why?" "how could a person go from a vibrant and a loving woman to a biter, scratcher and yeller?" I don't ask because I know there is no answer.  There is no reason.

A Distinguished Career

If your doctor was retiring would you cry?  Would you give him a personalized gift at a substantial expense?   Would you write him a letter telling him how much he helped make your life what it is today and enclose pictures of your happy healthy family?  No? Me neither.  Dr. C Joe Ottinger is retiring after 39 years, and that is exactly what his patients did for him.  Actually I am not surprised.  If I had a doctor like him I might do the same.  However, doctors like Joe are few and far between.

What makes Dr. Ottinger different?  He spends time with his patients.  He can tell you personal stories about his long time patients because he listens and he cares.  He does what it takes to help them.  It's not a 9-5 for him.  He goes in and sees patients on his days off or after working hours.  He is accessible.  He treats his nurse as a partner.  He respects his staff and appreciates what they do.  Those are just a few of the things I can come up with off the top of my head.  If I really sat and thought about it you would be reading for a very long time.

I know him as a doctor and just a regular guy, and both are the same.  He is not pretentious by any stretch of the imagination.  No one has been hired to replace him (not that they could).  Ft. Wayne will be sorely lacking in the area of pediatric neurology.  It's really pretty sad that the quality of care he provided to this town is gone.  You talk to almost any person who has a child with neurological problems here in town and they will have seen Dr. O.  Then they will tell you how wonderful he is; how much he help them and their child.

I may be a little biased since I am married to him.  However, I'm not telling you anything I haven't heard personally from the source or seen first hand.  It's just the facts.  I met Joe when I was a nurse at the Rehab hospital.  That was my first job as a nurse so I was pretty green.  He never made me feel that way unlike some other doctors who shall remain nameless who were total assholes!  Most of the time when you call a physician on the phone or have to talk to them in person they can be intimidating (it's an ego thing).  Dr. O was never like that.  He let you say what you had to say and then it was discussed.   He is a good person first and that is what makes him a good doctor.  That is why I was drawn to him.  I asked him out and he turned me down (he was seeing someone else).  That integrity made him even more attractive.

I've only been around him for the last 15 years or so of his career, but I've seen him; on call, woken up in the middle of the night requesting orders for ibuprofen, working late, working on days off, dealing with crazy people, dealing with medical politics, etc, etc.  Through it all, the things that mattered most to him were the people he worked with and his patients.

Every thing I have written is the absolute truth.  Joe however is not perfect....when it comes to doctoring his family that is.  It's the hazard of any profession.  Carpenters houses usually need repair. Hair dressers have the messiest hair.  Chefs bring their family take out.....Well, the Ottinger family is lucky to be alive.  His daughter Julie calling him from college after burning herself is told to put aloe on it.  He finds out later she has 3rd degree burns.  His other favorite remedy was to lay on your left side.  It doesn't matter what is wrong with you, just lay on your left side (it helps to dispel gas).  I personally had a few close calls met with apathy.  I was overcome with toxic fumes and he took me outside and patted me on the head.  I burnt myself with a glue gun on the nail bed and had a vagal response where I almost passed out and my heart rate dropped into the 40's.  He asked me what I was doing on the floor.  I suffered with poison ivy for 2 weeks before he offered to get me a medrol dose pack.  "Really, that's an option and it took 2 weeks for you to tell me that!?"  Those were dark times, but we survived.  The thing is none of those situations were real emergencies and it takes a good doctor to know the difference.  We like to give him a hard time about those instances, but if it was a true crisis I wouldn't want anyone else by my side.

Joe deserves all the accolades.  He also deserves to enjoy his retirement.  Cheers to you Dr. Ottinger!!

Love Letters

A love letter from my Dad to my Mom in I believe 1951.  I don't know if its lyrics to a song, or if he made it up, but do people love each other like that anymore?

New Blog

As my tag line says..."ADHD of blogs; never focusing on one subject for very long.  I started a new blog dedicated to crafty things I make or ideas of what I would like to make or my version of what everyone else is making....on and on and on.  This blog is for my creative side.

On The Fly Projects. 

Happy Birthday Bryan

This is the poem I wrote for Bryan for his 30th Birthday.

Your 30 today which could cause you to whine
But look at your mother she's 50 and quite fine

I know this day is not about me
But if I never had dirty sex you wouldn't be

You shush me all the time and think you are right
But I know that your bark is worse than your bite

You're a pain in my ass and sometimes I want to make you black and blue
But you are the best sone ever that much is sure true

I love you to pieces and am so proud of you
You're a great Dad and husband and so much fun too

I would like to take credit for all that you are
And I do take a little for getting you this far

But now that you're 30 you are all on your own
I wish you the best but just so you know I disconnected my phone

Task #1 Almost Complete

Almost 2 weeks since I've been here!  I have been busy fulfilling my New Year's tasks.  The first two rooms are well underway.  I've painted my library and I just need to clean up and get ready for new carpet on Friday.  Then, I have to move everything back in out of the dining room and then paint it and I will be done with my January task.  I do, however; have over 100 books that I need to get rid of. I'm Not sure where they will be going.  Back to work.....

Happy New Year

I'm sooo excited I've had my first hot flash of the New Year.  WooooHoooo!

New Year's Task

New Years Eve....my big plans consist of a few glasses of wine, some leftovers and a little crochet while watching a movie.  That is how I hope 2011 will be; nice and relaxed, and easy.  I have no resolutions per se.  Just like most people they are usually never fulfilled.

I have proposed a New Year Task.  My task is to de-clutter my house and my life.  Each month will be designated to a different room in the house.  I will have the entire month to declutter-/organize/redecorate.  I figure if I spread it out over the year, the task won't seem so daunting.  If I get an area done before the end of the month, I might move on to the next or take a break.

My first room(s) will be the dining room and formal living room/library.  This may be my most complicated area.  I need to paint and buff out the wood floor.  It's the only room I haven't repainted since Joe and I got married.  Not to mention moving (4) 7' bookcases full of books.  I'm already exhausted and I haven't even started.  I just have to keep repeating: one day at a time.

Only a few more hours until the task begins.  I'll let you know how I do next New Year's Eve.

Please Make It Stop

There is a show called "Teen Mom".  Apparently showcasing teen Mom's and their trial and tribulations.  If the series successfully showed how hard it is to be a Mother let alone a teenage Mother there may be some redeeming value to it.  As it is, all it does is launch these girls to celebrity status, sending the message; if you get pregnant as a teen you too can be on TV.  I have to admit I have never seen the show and never will.  I have however seen excerpts from it.  In addition, one of the more infamous Moms is from Indiana.  What a great claim to fame for our state.  I heard on the news tonight the Mom from Indiana is paid $280,000.00 a year to be on this show. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!! What is wrong with people.  There are hard working people trudging to dead end jobs everyday so they can pay their bills, yet a socially unfit immature dumb ass teenager makes hundreds of thousands of dollars for being a socially unfit immature dumb ass teenager.  All I can do is shake my head and cry.

Some Times It Works Out

I am very excited my home phone broke.  It is still usable but the caller ID button/phone book and scroll button doesn't work on one of the handsets.  The best part???? I purchased the extended warranty and the phone is still covered.  I bought the phone at Radio Shack.  I spent $80.00 on the phone and $20.00 on the extended warranty.  The warranty also included new batteries every six months for the two years.  The batteries alone cost more than $20.00.  I am one month away from the warranty expiring.  I called Radio Shack, they took my info and told me to send the phone back.  Once I take the phone to Fed Ex and they scan it in, Radio Shack is notified I dropped it off and I get a refund gift card via email within 24 hours for the price of the phone plus tax.  SCORE!!!!!  This is one time I am glad I purchased the extended warranty.

It's A Belated Christmas Miracle

OM frickin G!  (I heard that on Cake Boss and I thought it was hilarious) Anyway, I have been struggling with Medicaid and Medicare ever since my Mother and Mother-In-Law have been in a Nursing Home.  If you have ever tried to get information or get anything resolved with either agency, you know what I mean.  It's a nightmare.  After my most recent circle jerk with Medicaid I was so frustrated, I filed a complaint with the Attorney General under Insurance Fraud.  I knew that wasn't really the right place to complain to, but I didn't know where else to start.  I figured at the very least it would get their attention.  I didn't hear anything for over a month; then I received a letter.  It stated their agency was not the correct agency to handle my claim but it had been forwarded to the agency that would be able to take care of it.

When my husband saw the letter with the return address of Attorney General he thought for sure we were both going to jail (for what, I don't know).

About a week after I received the letter I received a phone call and an email from someone in the office overseeing Medicaid Administration.  I was shocked!!!!! I have never had a more pleasant and productive conversation with someone in a government office in my life.  She was not only going to take care of my Mother-In-Laws issues (for which the complaint was filed) but my Mother's as well.  She has also reassured me she would be keeping in contact with me on a weekly basis until the issues are resolved.  Maybe I'm being gullible, but I believed her.  A little bit of faith has been restored in my otherwise negative opinion of the government.  While it's far from perfect it is nice to know there are avenues of resolution that do work.

Hopefully I am not getting too excited too soon.  I will hold off on the fireworks until everything is resolved, but at least there is a spark waiting to ignite!!!!

Please At Least Say Hello

Isn't the point of a Walmart greeter to greet you when you walk in the door?? Otherwise they would call them Walmart person standing at the doorway not wanting to make eye contact or not having the social skills to interact with people.

Honestly I could care less if a person is at the door to greet me when I walk in to shop.  However, if Walmart is going to pay someone to stand at the door to "greet" people, then they should at least train them to say hello.

I have been to Walmarts where there have been cute little 'ol men so happy to see me and make sure I have a shopping cart.  That's fun, it makes me smile. 

Today I was greeted by a sad little woman, not looking at me or even responding when I said hello.  Maybe it was just a fluke and I caught her on a bad day. 

I had to go out of the store and then return because I forgot something only to find a new greeter at the door.  I was full of anticipation hoping this new greeter would give me a smile and a hardy HELLO!  No such luck, she was as sullen as the last person.

You know times are tough when Walmart can't even hire a greeter that actually fulfills their job description.

A Time To Cull

Culling: The process of removing animals from a group based on specific criteria.....  I'd never heard of that word until I started raising chickens, and in the 4 years  I have had chickens it has never been an issue until now. 

My first flock consisted of 10 hens.  5 were killed by predators, 2 died for unknown reasons, 2 are still healthy but not laying eggs, and 1 is on it's way out as we speak.  My second flock of 27 which are less than a year old are all healthy, happy and laying eggs.

So here's the problem...I never had to worry about weeding out the inferior hens because it was pretty much taken care of  nature's way.  Now that I have 30 chickens it's not productive to have hens that don't lay.  If I was a true farmer, I would have no problem culling the 2 old hens and the 1 sick hen.  (Culling is just a softer way to say kill.)  I can't bring myself to do it.  I also have 2 roosters that are of no use except they are pretty and fun to watch.  Most roosters are killed soon after they are hatched because they have no production value.

At first, my excuse for not getting rid of them was I couldn't find someone to do it for me.  There are no commercial butchering companies locally that would butcher and dress the chickens.  Now however; I have at least 2 people willing to do it for me but I can't bring myself to turn them over to them.  My issue with this is seeing them as pets, not livestock.  I wouldn't kill my dog just because he stopped fetching, so how can I kill my chickens for not laying eggs. 

I can see it now.....3 years down the road I will have 100 chickens of which only 30 lay eggs; which means I have 70 pet chickens.  I'm so pathetic.  I'm really hoping nature will continue taking care of things for me.  Like maybe lightening striking only the non laying chickens.  That would be perfect.

You Mess With My Mom, You Get Me!

A few days ago I wrote about the issue at the Nursing Home with the TV in my Mom's room which belongs to her roommate.  I had a suspicion the problem was being generated by the daughter of the roommate.  Today my suspicion was confirmed.  Apparently the daughter had to buy a new TV because the screen of the first TV went out.  She attributed it to the fact the TV was used too much.  Funny thing .....She did this before my Mom was even there!    Today when I walked in to Mom's room, the TV was moved at an angle away from Mom's side of the room.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!  Words cannot convey how pissed I was.  What a pompous little bitch (the daughter, not the roommate).  I can say that with certainty because I have met her.  I couldn't decide what kind of person she was in the brief three times that I had talked to her before all this hoopla, but there always seemed to be incongruity between her words and her actions.  I guess my instincts were correct.

This whole issue is so ridiculous my brain can't process it.  All I know is she is messing with my Mom.  Nobody messes with my Mother and gets away with it.  How can someone be so cruel to a 90 year old woman.  I never said anything when the roommates belongings encroached on my Mom's side of the room or when she got in to Mom's candy.  It really didn't matter.  Today it mattered and I turned into a stubborn 10 year old.  I measured the floor space and found the middle of the room.  Everything of hers that was on Mom's side was pushed over.  I'm going to rearrange the room (I have to get permission from Social Service first) so Mom won't even have to look in the direction of her roommates TV.  It's gonna be awesome when both TV's are on different channels with the volume up.

I know I should let it go and be adult about it; and I will in time.  But this is my Mother we are talking about.  My sweet never hurt a fly, give you the shirt off her back, Mother.  Every time I think about it I want to put my boot in daughter's ass.

Which Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg?

I have learned a lot about chickens over the course of the last few years and it is very interesting to me how their little society parallels human society.  The term "pecking order" which is often used in human society obviously came from watching chickens.  They really do have a structure to their little flock.  My flock is no exception.  There is the leader (Rocky) who is a huge rooster.  The downtrodden of the bunch are the Buff Orphingtons; they are the only ones that get their tail feathers picked off by the others.  Then you have the outcast which is also a rooster (Sheldon).  He is smaller and a big bully so he is often by himself.  All of the rest are the followers; only causing a stir every once in awhile.  For the most part, however; the followers mind their own business. 

Last evening when I went to lock up the girls for the night, all of the young chickens were still out in the barn running around.  My two old girls were already up on their roost and ready for bed.  Even old chickens turn in early.

The old adages that come from chicken behavior now make sense to me.  For instance:  "don't count your chickens before they hatch."  Mainly because not all chicken eggs are viable.  "Don't get your tail feathers ruffled."  If you try to take an egg out from under a hen, they will fluff up their tail feathers as a sign of agitation and warning.  "Cocky", or "cock of the walk."  Roosters strut around like they own the place.  "Hen pecked" is a good one.  The hens will seek out a weaker hen and pick at the feathers on their rump.  Once they start picking they don't usually stop.  If pecked at long enough, they sometimes die.  I could go on and on but you get the idea.

I have, however; solved the age old question of: "which came first the chicken or the egg?"  It was the chicken of course.  Without the chicken to sit on the egg to incubate it, it wouldn't survive.  I'm glad that is finally settled.







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Merry Christmas

The Moments That Take Your Breath Away

I never thought I would be reduced to tears in a Best Buy store.  But it happened.  I was standing in the customer service line along with 4 or 5 other people and one man in military fatigues.  There was a little boy probably 2 years old in a camo jacket looking intently at the soldier.  Another man walked over to the soldier and shook his hand and thanked him for his service.  After seeing a lot of people behaving badly recently, this was a welcome change.  The little boy kept looking at the soldier and his Father noticed.  The Father says: "that's pretty cool huh?  The little boy shakes his head yes.  The Father then says "maybe we should shake his hand and thank him."  The  boy seemed a little timid so the Father shook the soldiers hand.  Then this little 2 year old walks up to the soldier and puts out his hand, never taking his eyes off of the soldier.  It was the most moving moment I have witnessed in a long time.  That was my Merry Christmas moment.

Most people reading this are aware that my Mother is in a Nursing Home (which I hate).  She's seems to be doing well with their care.  I have my doubts at times, but I have to admit I try not to see the bad things.  They are short staffed just like everywhere which really sucks since their business is to "take care of" the infirmed.  Isn't that what you call an oxymoron?  I will say they do call anytime there is an issue; which I know is a requirement by law, but it makes them accountable.

I got a call yesterday. (My heart sinks a little every time they call because I never know if it's going to be bad news.)  The nurse proceeds to tell me that she thinks I should get a TV for Mom.  She was apparently watching her roommates and the aides went to turn it off and she yelled at them not to.  To back track a little, I didn't get Mom a TV when she first moved in because her TV was an old model and very large (space is limited).  Plus the roommate has at least a 32" flat screen placed right in the middle of the room.  There isn't really an issue of fighting about what to watch, because I don't think either of them care.  It's just company.  I figured if I brought in a TV for Mom it would be crazy loud and she wouldn't be able to work it anyway.  Since the large TV was there I didn't see the harm in her watching it.  I am assuming Mom's roommates daughter is behind this.  She actually put a note on the TV that states: "Turn off the TV if Irene is not in the room".  Underlying meaning:  don't let the roommate watch her TV.  Doesn't this seem a little petty? Or am I being too sensitive?  Uuuuuuugh, drama at the Nursing Home. 

I will get Mom a TV....anything to make her happy.  All I can say is her roommate better keep her damn hands out of my Mother's candy.  How's that for petty!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

I never really understood why there had to be a policy made like the military; "don't ask, don't tell".  What difference does it make???  If a person decides to join the military to help protect our country why should we care about their sexual orientation .  The only people that would care are the homophobes out there.  That is one phobia I have zero tolerance for.    If a gay person dies in the line of duty it is no less tragic or heroic than when a straight person dies.  Besides; "gay" and "straight" doesn't define a person.  It's who they are and what they offer to the world around them that matters.  Soooo GET OVER IT PEOPLE! Thank goodness the government finally did.

To Quote Ross Matthews on Chelsea Lately: "We're here, we're queer, and we do your hair!"  That guy is HILARIOUS!

Addendum To December 4th Post

No wonder the Salvation Army bell ringers are happy.  They are getting paid.  I'm pretty sure it's only minimum wage, however; some things I have read infer they get a percentage of the take.  It's not that I don't think they should get paid.  Standing out in the frigid cold deserves compensation, however; it takes away from the "Good Will To All" mystique of Christmas.  Seeing those people out there ringing their bell and singing and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas just makes you want to give because they are giving.  Well the old adage:  "nothing is free" certainly rings true.  "Rings" true....hahahaha..get it?  Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel less guilty for not giving every time I pass a red can.  There is that guilt thingy again.  We do an awful lot in the name of guilt.

In all fairness though, I guess some of the ringers are volunteers.   I'll keep that in mind next time I pass a red can.