What Do I Do With It????

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS IN THIS BLOG, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

I love my life! I have some of the most random strange shit happen to me. Or, maybe it doesn't happen to me, I probably bring it on. Whatever the case it's usually random, weird and funny. Take the one legged chicken for example. Chickens break their legs all the time but most people don't keep them around. They would probably kill them and eat them. I couldn't do that. I took care of her and carried her to where she needed to go and she kept getting better and better. Now she actually puts weight on her bad leg when she walks. She's a fighter. How could I kill her and eat her. It wouldn't be right. It's funny to me that I have a chicken with a broken leg. Which brings me to my random weird story for today.

After my last chicken was eaten by a raccoon, I took measures to prevent it from happening again (see blog about shooting raccoon off the roof). I set out a live trap with bait. I didn't get anything for the first few days after the chicken massacre so I just left the trap set and forgot about it. Today I was in the barn doing my usual chores when I hear a guttural growl. It honestly sounded like a mountain lion. Living in Indiana however, I quickly dismissed that idea and figured it was probably Bear coughing and it was just echoing through the barn. About a minute later I heard it again. You know that if you ignore something, then it really didn't happen. That's what I chose to do. Ignore it. I went about the rest of my chores and was heading to the back of the barn where the bunnies are. I opened the door and found the source of the terrible growls. I got myself a raccoon! I will admit as I walked through the door and saw it, I screamed like a girl and almost fell back through the doorway. I'm so tough. I walked a little closer to the trap. He just sat there looking at me and I noticed that there was blood on his back end. I thought maybe he had hurt himself trying to claw his way out of the trap. I very gingerly picked up the cage; I was afraid he would reach up and bite me. I put him in the back of my pickup on the open tailgate. As I examined him a little closer I saw the source of his bleeding. He had no BUTT! Something had literally taken a bite out of his ass. My plan had been to drive him somewhere far away and let him go. How do you in good conscience let a raccoon go without a butt. All the other raccoons will make fun of him. Not to mention that's gotta hurt. What do I do???? Call Bryan. He must have actually been working because he didn't answer his phone. Shit! now what? Call Joe. I call Joe at work and have him pulled out of a room with a patient. "Joe, I got a raccoon in the trap and it has no butt. What do I do?" A few moments of silence, then......."What do you mean it has no butt?" "No butt. Ass ends flat with a gaping hole the size of a baseball." "Ohhhhhh! Take him 10 miles away and let him go." "You don't think I should shoot him?" "No, just let him go and get out of the way so he doesn't bite you." I don't think Joe understands the magnitude of the raccoons injuries. Plus Joe is very tenderhearted and doesn't like the idea of killing animals. Bryan finally called me back and he thought that the humane thing to do would be to put him out of his misery. I agreed, but I didn't think I could do it. I got two more opinions. One from my Vet and the other from a wildlife rescue center. Both agreed he should be killed. Now what? Bryan called his father-in-law to come over and do the dirty work. I was still vacillating between letting him go and killing him. I went outside to wait for Tommy and when I looked into the cage, there were intestines all over the bottom of the cage and oozing onto the bed of my truck. Gross! Gross! Gross! That was pretty definitive. Nothing is going to live long without it's intestines. The little thing still stared at me and growled when I got close. I took him out by the river and waited for Tommy. As I walked, stringy tubes of intestines dangled out the bottom of the cage. I'm looking at them thinking...Those must be the small intestines and those bigger diameter ones must be his large intestines. Forever the nurse. Tommy got here and I told him to hurry because he's losing his guts. It took 3 shots to the head with a .22 before the thing died. Those little buggers are tough! I felt bad for him, but it was the right thing to do. I wish I knew what got him in the first place. What are the odds that one would trap a raccoon with no butt. Only me.
Rest in peace you little chicken eater. It just goes to show you that if you do something bad, it's always going to come back and bite you in the ass. Let that be a lesson to all of us.