The Roller Coaster Ride Continues

I really want to blog about something fun and happy, but that is not my life right now (unfortunately). I said the other day that Mom seemed ok about going to the nursing home. Well....not so much! I called her this morning to let her know that I am going to move her on Monday. "Move me where?" "To the place that we looked at the other day." "Oh noooo, I don't want to go! I'm not going to like it there and I will miss all of my friends!" Silence on my end. I really have no clue what to say to her. Plus, I had to wait till the ringing in my head stopped from feeling like I just got bashed up side it! This is why it is important for people to be able to express their feelings. I realize that she is not herself these days, but I gave her so many opportunities to discuss things and she always shut me out or told me she was ok. I didn't even know she really had friends there. She never talks about anyone except to say that she can't stand her table mate, or that the physical therapist rubs her the wrong way. You know what, this is about me as much as it's about her, and this is fucking hard!! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it and I'm going insane!!!!!!!!!!! That's me expressing my feelings.