Emotional Rollercoaster

Today turned out to be a much better day. It didn't start out that way though. The nursing home wanted to change the room that we picked out. They wanted her in a room closer to the nurses station because she is a fall risk. I understand that from a nurses perspective, but I'm not a nurse now, I'm her daughter. Emotionally speaking, the room that we originally picked out felt better to me and as much as I could tell from Mom she was ok with it too. It's like getting psyched up for something and then someone goes and changes the plan. It knocks the wind out of your sail a little bit. I felt like they were pushing me into something I didn't want. I already didn't want to be there in the first place and now this! I was ready to go somewhere else. I forget sometimes that I have a support system in my family. I like to do everything myself so I very rarely ask for help. Silly me! I talked to Joe and he told me to stick to my guns and do what I think is right. He said:"Don't let them tell you what they want, it's up to you, you decide." I called Bryan to get his input. Bryan continues to surprise me. I'm pretty sure that Bryan says things to me sometimes that he knows are ridiculous just to see how I will react. When it really matters most he has the most level headed and right on advice. He will tell me when he thinks I'm overreacting. He has a way of making me see the other side without taking sides. Amanda and I are one in the same. I can talk to her and she knows exactly what I feel. We can validate each others feelings even when we know they are irrational. It helps put them in perspective. So, armed with the confidence from my husband and children I went to the nursing home to put my foot down (nicely though). I actually snuck in unannounced and found out from one of the nurses which room it was that they wanted to put Mom in. I went snooping around and found the lady that would be her roommate. Her name is Esther and she has one leg. She is a very sweet, soft spoken lady, that keeps a tidy room. We talked for a little while and I got a very nice feeling that this might be ok. Then I got caught by the admissions lady. I really didn't like her much, she was patronizing and didn't listen to me well. She had her own agenda. I overlooked that though and focused on my mission. Which was finding a room with good Karma! I went to the room that I first picked out and I didn't get as good an impression as I did the first time I was there. Interesting! So Esther it is, room 304. I go over tomorrow to start the paperwork. I had an epiphany while I was there today. It had to do with the fact that all of the residence that I talked to were hard of hearing. I decided that that is actually a good thing because that way they don't hear their roommate snoring. God works in mysterious ways.
This evening I got on my blog and read the comment from Steve. It has to be hard not being around. Steve, I want you and anyone else reading to know that I have never felt put upon to take care of Mom or felt that it should be you instead of me taking care of this. I have finally found my place in my family. I am the caretaker. It's what I do best and what I need to do. I know if you lived here you would be right by my side doing this with me. But I would have to be in charge though because I am a control freak (just ask Amanda). I finally feel like you and I are on the same page and I wouldn't change a thing. I love you too more than you know!