New Year's Resolution

My New Year's resolution is to not make any resolutions. Most people including me like to make the resolution to lose weight or exercise more. That is a great resolution, but rarely lasts more than a couple months. I would like to make the resolution that I will be 10 years younger by the end of the year, but short of a major miracle, that isn't going to happen either. Unless of course I visit my friendly neighborhood plastic surgeon. Funny thing, I got a Christmas e-mail from Dr. Lee's office. Seems they have a 10% discount offer going on right now. Even plastic surgeons are feeling the economic crunch. He's gonna have to wait though, I'm not up for that. (At least not yet).
Actually I am going to make a resolution. It's not something I can really fail at because it can't really be measured, so I am safe from ridicule for not having kept it. I resolve to make an "effort" to leave the house more and be more social. I know, Weird! I am actually well on my way to becoming a hermit. If I could get someone to shop for me, I would probably never leave the house. I am perfectly happy and content to stay in my own little world. I'll work on that and I guess we'll see what happens.

Happy Birthday Hailey

Hey Hailey, Happy Birthday. I hope you have a great Birthday. Let me know what fun and exciting things you do on your Birthday. Lots of Love and Kisses!

Have you hugged your wiener today?

Look at that face! How could you not kiss that wiener? I am sure by now you have figured out that I was talking about wiener dogs in my previous blog...or was I?
Robbie and Steve's dog; Kylie, had puppies and I completely fell in love with the little female runt. I would have brought her home in a heartbeat if I didn't think that Joe would be mad. I brought home a new Kayak and gun instead. My original pink pistol didn't work properly, so I returned it and got a little S&W 38 special revolver. It's cute, but it's not pink. (I know, guns aren't supposed to be cute, but it is). By the way, it's Steve's cock that's missing. Robbie saw it out the window on Saturday morning, but she hasn't seen it since. Steve is beside himself! Ok, I'll stop with the double meaning bantering, but it's so fun. Anyway, Steve has lost all of his chickens but one. Of the 10 or so dogs at Steve's house right now, 2or more of them killed the chickens. Poor chickies! Steve doesn't normally have 10 dogs, but he is watching Shane's 2 dogs and he still has some puppies left along with his 4 dogs. I thought I had a zoo!

Have you kissed a Wiener today?

My weekend was filled with multiple wieners and missing cocks. There were wieners everywhere. I had four on my lap at one time. We started out with six wieners, then someone came and bought one. Then there were three big wieners and two small ones left. I wanted to bring one home with me, but Joe said no. He didn't want Ellie to be jealous. I told him I would share my new wiener with her too, but he still said no. The missing cock was a big shock too. I really wanted to see it and maybe even hold it. Oh well, maybe next time. What a great weekend.

Merry Christmas

Family, friends, in-laws, and out-laws; Merry Christmas one and all!!!! I wish everyone Love, Peace and Happiness. Keep the day positive and cheerful!

TV Pollution

This devastatingly beautiful ice storm is turning into a nightmare for Brad and Amanda. They are still without power. The prospect of not being in their house on Christmas morning for Jax, has them quite upset. Maybe there will be a Christmas miracle and the power will be restored just in the St. Nick of time. In the meantime we are all having an extended sleepover. We are having a good time just hangin out; however, last night Amanda made me watch "The Hills". I am proud to say that I had never watched that show before last night. Now I have to say that...OMG, I'm like totally like stupederish for having watched it, like totally! There are a few reality shows that I do watch (The Bachelor for one). Mostly because it's funny and it's basically a game. I love games and puzzles. Trying to figure out who he's gonna pick, and then betting on how long the publicity will last. So while most reality shows are mindless and stupid, at least they have an end point or a destination. The Hills is mindless and stupid with no point! I have never seen such self serving, narcissistic, shallow, stupid people with no purpose in life other than to waste precious space. Forget the economic crisis! That will eventually heal itself. "Those people" are a far worse crisis. We as a nation need to band together against the crisis of the morons on The Hills. Those people represent nothing to young Americans. The saddest thing is that they get paid to be on that show. They actually make money to show their ignorance. Nice message to hard working young people. There are three reasons that anyone would watch that show. First reason would be if you accidentally happened on that channel. You might watch for a minute until you threw up in your mouth, then you would change the channel. Second reason would be if you had a group of friends that would gather together to watch. You would have a few beers and shamelessly make fun of the fact that they are a waste of space. That would actually be a lot of fun. Last, and certainly the most disturbing, are the people that watch because they truly want to see what is going on in those retards lives. Like it's like totally real! The last group of people need to get a life, and more importantly seek therapy. If any of my family members are in the last group of people, I still love you, but you need help!

Shades of Grey

What a storm! I don't ever remember anything like this before. Poor Amanda and Brad have been without electricity for over 48 hours. It's so devastating, but so beautiful. More photos in my gallery.

Stats

So far the blog that has generated the most responses was "Historic Day". The day Obama was elected. It is followed closely by "Ho Ho Holy Shit", Joe as Clara Claus. It just goes to show you, politics and drag queens go hand in hand.

What Not To Do With a 4 Wheeler

I should have a "hat cam". I could wear it while I'm doing projects around the house, and then when I do something stupid (which is often) it will be caught on tape. I could make a fortune. Today I decided to clean the bunny cages. I usually use the 4 wheeler with the trailer attached so that I can take the bunny poo to the compost pile. I parked the 4 wheeler in front of the garage while I ran into the house to get my gloves. I left it in gear and with the choke out so it would continue to warm up. As I am coming out of the house I realize that it sounds like the 4 wheeler is moving. Oh yeah! It's heading straight for the hill above the River. It's going at a pretty good clip considering that the choke is out and it's going downhill. I take off running after it, screaming all the while (like that's gonna help). Just as it hit the top of the hill, it took a slight turn right just skimming the edge of the hill for about 25 yards. So, it's missed going over the hill and into the river, but now it's heading for the wood fence around the old pasture. I manage to catch up to it and do an Indiana Jones by grabbing the handle and jumping on. Catastrophe averted thanks to my lightening speed and agile limbs. Whatever! I shouldn't be left alone.

Christmas Faux Pas

If you want to know how to offend someone of the Jewish faith at a family gathering, just call me. Apparently I am phenomenal at it. I will share a few tip with you now.
A. Invite them to a CHRISTMAS Party.
B. Give them a Christmas Tree ornament as a gift.
C. Sing Christmas Carols while you wait for Santa.
D. Serve Pork. Not just one kind though. Serve ham, pulled pork and bacon.
E. Finally, give them a gag gift related to pigs.

Totally offensive isn't it? I did all of the above and probably more that I am not even aware of to Brian's "woman friend". In my defense however, I did not know that she was Jewish until the day of our party. Thanks Brian! It's no secret that I am not a fan of organized religion of any kind, but I would never intentionally show such blatant disregard for someones faith. Yes, I would have still sang the Christmas carols and had Santa come, but I certainly wouldn't have served Pork!!!!!
I also would have rethought my pig gift to her. So, my sincerest apology to Malia. I really felt bad when I realized all that I had done inadvertently. I think she knows it was unintentional and she seemed totally unaffected by it all. I won't know for sure though until our next family gathering. If you can look at this with an open mind however, it really is quite hilarious. By the way I did all of my cooking with Kosher salt. Kosher salt on pulled pork! How ironic!

Chirstmas 2008

This photo pretty much sums up our weekend Christmas gathering; chaotic and fun! I tried to get a picture of all of the grand babies with Nanu. I think we succeeded pretty well. All of us are in the picture anyway. This needs to be a new tradition. Maybe by the time they are 21 they will all cooperate at the same time. Actually I love the picture because it shows real life. Go to the "photo gallery" to view the rest of the photos. I have much more to say about our weekend, but for now I have to go reorganize my house and see what all was left behind.

Ho Ho Holy Shit!

 

I'm not sure that this is what my dad had in mind when he started using that Santa suit some 50 odd years ago. Times are a changing however and you have to go with the flow.

PS If you think you can stomach it, there is a video. Just go to the link for my photo gallery.

Dumb Ass Attack

I am officially a dumb ass! My horse has a head after all! I decided to go to the Radio Flyer web site and see if I could order the part. They actually had a form to fill out for missing parts that they would ship to you free of charge. I went to gather the necessary information from the box and decided to check it out again. "If I was a horse head, where would I be?" Of course! I would be shoved up my ass. Really, it was shoved into the neck opening upsidedown. Joe and I were discussing earlier about how funny it was that of all things the head would be missing. I even told him that I wasn't sure where it would even fit into the box, because everything was packed tightly. That is probably what got me thinking to look inside his body. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has done this. Besides, Julian and Nicholas didn't see it either!

Quality Control

Today was the perfect opportunity for me to follow my own advice about "lightening up." I ordered a spring type rocking horse online from Walmart. You can order it online and then pick it up at the store and not have to pay shipping. What a great idea. So I get the notice today that it has arrived at the store. I'm pretty excited because I know the kids will love it. I brought it home just in time for Julian and Nicholas and I to put it together. The boys had the tools...you know, screwdriver, pliers, magnifying glass. I don't know what the magnifying glass was for either but apparently they needed it. We started to unpack it. 4 legs? check. 1 body? check. springs and bolts? check. 1 head? hmmmmmmm! Seriously? Sure enough, no head. I can understand maybe a bolt missing here or there, but the head? I couldn't help but laugh. Julian says: "That's ridiculous!" Nicholas says: "Why no head?" "I don't know" I tell him. "Why?" he says. That conversation could go on for 1/2 an hour. I could probably see if the company would send me a head, but that would probably just create more problems. I'll just take it back and start over. By the way, the boys wanted me to put it together anyway without the head. They didn't care, they could use the opening where the head should be to store their toys.

Lighten up your Holidays.

I was in the bathroom yesterday reading(Not that I make a habit of that). Anyway, I have the book: "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff". Contrary to what Bryan thinks I really try to live by that. It doesn't always work, but most of time I can let the little annoyances of life sift right through. Which brings me to Chapter 83:
"Lighten Up". I thought this chapter was appropriate for the Holiday Season. It talks about how we lose perspective over the little things in life that are unpleasant. The things that are unpleasant,but we really can't change them. For instance, waiting in line. We don't like it, but complaining about it and getting our blood pressure elevated isn't worth it. Save your angst for when someone cuts you off in traffic on your motorcycle (I digress). One of my favorite lines from the chapter is: "The root of being uptight is our unwillingness to accept life as being different, in any way, from our expectations." Expectations are a big downfall to having true happiness at any given time. You expect your child to act a certain way at an event you are very excited for. When they don't, you get disappointed. I have a scenario in my head that at our Christmas party everyone will be sitting down at the table at the same time and I will give a toast with everyone in complete silence with their glasses raised, including the kids. Ha Ha Ha, like that is ever going to happen. I seriously have no expectation that that will really happen, but if I did I would be really disappointed. Have no expectations and be pleasantly surprised when something goes as planned. Life is simply what it is, you either roll with it, or create difficulties and suffer. There is a quote from Benjamin Franklin in the book: "Our limited perspective, our hopes and fears become our measure of life, and when circumstances don't fit our ideas, they become our difficulties." Things won't go right and you will get stressed and disappointed, just keep things in perspective and "Lighten Up!"
PS: Bryan, if you use these words against me, I will give you a smack down!

Happy Birthday Brian with an I

Happy Birthday Brian! I hear you are out galavanting around California for your special day with your girrrrrl friend. Good for you. Have a great day and say Hi to Arnold for me. I actually met Arnold back in 1977. Do you think he will remember me?

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

I have many things to be thankful for. My two number one's are my family and the health of my family. Everything else is just gravy. I do however have an issue with the Turkeys. They are whiners. You always hear about how terrible it is for the turkeys on Thanksgiving day. The president even pardons two of them every year. What about the chickens??? They get eaten on a daily basis. You turkeys need to suck it up for one day and be thankful that you are too much of a hassle to cook more than once a year. Have a Happy Turkey day and wear elastic band pants.

Good Tidings of the Season

I got yelled at by Sarah for not blogging for awhile. Like she can talk. She hasn't done anything for over 2 months. Apparently all of the "hip" people are on face book. Oh well, I have never been one to follow the crowd so I'm just doing my little thing here on google. I have been crazy busy getting ready for Christmas. We are having our get-to-gether on the 13th of December so I have less time to prepare. Funny thing is...I'm really excited about it. I'm usually a big Scrooge and all stressed out. I have yet to bring forth any grinchyness this holiday season so far. I'm a little stressed because I want to be able to get everything I want done, but it's a good kind of stress. Bryan accused me of doubling up on my zoloft. He figures by Christmas I will probably OD. I swear that my mood has nothing to do with over medicating. I haven't even had a glass of wine in 2 weeks. I'm filled with the joy of the season. (I'm filled with something alright). I'm even thinking about getting a real tree. What could be the cause of my change of heart??? Could be because there will be 6 kids running around all excited. It could be that all of our kids will be here. Maybe it's because we all had such a good time at Joe birthday that I'm ready to do it again. It could be the excitement of new relationships or the renewing of old relationships. What I really think it is, is I rented a little kid banquet table and chairs and I can't wait to see all of the kids sitting around it. I still get bummed out about all the commercialism and the fact that even when people have no money they feel they have to go out and buy Christmas presents. I guess that's the way its always been and always will be, so who am I to fight tradition. Merry Christmas Everyone and you too tiny Steve. Oh I guess Happy Thanksgiving first.

The Cheesiest

Someone forgot to tell the people traveling to Glenbrook Mall that the economy is bad. It was packed. Now I remember why I hate to go out there. Maybe people were there because they didn't have anything else to do and it was raining outside. I don't know, but it was crazy and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. I did notice however, an ad on tv the other day promoting a product that I have not seen in a long time. Velveeta. I know Velveeta has been around for a long time, but I think its making a resurgence because they are promoting the fact that it is cheaper than regular cheese. Sure it's cheaper, it not even real cheese! It just happens to be the color of cheese. Don't buy real cheese that is made with milk and has protein and calcium, buy fake shit because it's cheaper. So now everyone is going to be poor and in bad health. I shouldn't bash fake cheese though, because I use fake creamer for my coffee and it's probably worse. Oh well, I guess we all have our vices. Sorry Bryan I know your a fan of Velveeta and cheese squeeze. Give me some creamy goat cheese please!

Happy Birthday Brad

Disturbing photo? Maybe, it depends on your perspective. It sure tasted good! Besides today is opening day for gun season on deer, and Brad is a hunter so what would be more appropriate than a dead deer cake for your Birthday. Happy Birthday Brad and good luck with a buck!

More Babies

I could do this all day long. I love my flip video, but when you make a movie mix, you can't choose which parts of each video you want to go into the movie. I need an actual editing program so I can customize. Plus I need to learn how to download music (legally of course) so I can have some different tunes. It's all a process. One day you will be calling me Patti Spielberg.

Babies and Papa Joe

If you're over 4 or under 65 you don't get to be in the video. It's all about the babies and Papa Joe.

I'm Married to a Senior Citizen

Joe turned 65 on Saturday! We had a great weekend and everyone was here (except Michael). Lots of food, fun, chaos, and noise!

Historic Day

Now matter how you feel about the results of the Presidential election, it was Historic! Never in my lifetime have I seen such enthusiasm for the political process. Whether or not things will change remains to be seen, but America has spoken and acknowledged that we are pissed about where our country is headed and we want something different. Way to go America! What about that B.Obama? The guy has charisma. After his acceptance speech last night, I wanted to have his baby! He is so focused and confident. He is perfect to represent our country and represent us to the rest of the world.

Jax Halloween

Go to my Photo Gallery and click on the Jax Halloween 08 to see a cute little slide show. I couldn't download it directly to my blog for some reason, so go check it out.

Halloween Antics

I'm a bad Nanu, but in my defense I can only be one place at once. Brad probably wishes I was in another place instead of with them. I decided to dress up Ellie and my plans were to trick or treat with Jax for the first half of the trick or treat hours and with Julian and Nickel the second half. Well, Ellie kind of stole the show in her princess outfit. Everyone was commenting on the cute dog. One lady asked me: "what is his name?" "Jaxon", I replied. "No, the dogs name?" Oops! I also made the mistake of letting Jax hold Ellie once and now he doesn't want to put her down. So the whole time if Jax wasn't holding Ellie, he was screaming. Amanda and Brad's expectations of a perfect Halloween were shattered by reality. Ellie and I won't be invited next year. I am ready to leave to go see Julian and Nickel, and Sarah sends me a text that they are just about done. Crap! I got there just as they were getting back to Sarah's parents house. I missed the whole thing, but at least I was going to watch them later that evening while Sarah and Bryan went to a party. Bryan and Sarah came over to get dressed for their party. Sarah was a dirty pirate hooker and Bryan was an 80's rocker. Bryan wore some of my clothes and a wig and I put his makeup on. (Something I never thought would happen). I figured out why his look disturbed me so much......He looked like me! You be the judge.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

New Fad

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?order_num=-1&SKU=14773495

I am shocked that Lauren and Sarah knew what the Neti pot was. Apparently though I am the one out of the loop. I guess it's the new thing in nasal care. All of the best noses are using them. I rank it just above ear candling. There is evidence that using a saline spray in your nose may be effective if you feel like you are getting a cold or having an allergy attack. I agree with that, however; spending $20 on a ceramic pitcher to pour saline up your nose is insane as far as I'm concerned. Not to mention that it can't feel very good. Save the 20 bucks and put a straw in a glass of saline and suck it up. That will work and it's a lot cheaper. Why can't I come up with these retarded inventions and make a million dollars

What is it?

What is that you ask? Looks like a creamer pitcher, sort of. Obviously liquid is put into it and poured out. But what liquid and where is it poured. Ponder that for awhile and I will get back to you.

Moving Forward

I'm over it (for now). I've done my wallowing in self pity, crying, screaming, etc.... I am a firm believer in expressing your feelings, getting them out in the open, dealing with them, and then moving on. Joe is a suppressor. He likes to keep everything in and pretend it isn't happening. I would explode if I did that. There would be Patti shrapnel everywhere. I took one of the sayings off of my list of "What I always say." The one about "don't sweat the small stuff." I used to say that a lot, then Bryan pointed out many times that I wasn't doing that. I have decided that that is a really dumb thing to say anyway. "Small stuff" is such a relative and subjective term. So I added the one about the assholes. Amanda pointed out to me yesterday that I neglected to have that on the list. That may be my favorite because it's so true.
Ok, so I am moving on and feeling better. I think I may have scared everyone a little. Plus no one was commenting on my blogs for fear of what to say that might send me over the edge. I tend to say out loud what most people only think. That's just me being deliciously me! It's when I don't say anything that you have to worry.

Change of Plans

I totally caved. I can't do it. I cancelled Mom's transfer to the nursing home (at least for now). For many many reasons I just can't do it. I visited her today and asked her why she was ok with everything the day we visited the nursing home, but changed her mind later? She said she had a chance to think about it and didn't want to do it. I guess we will just take it one day at a time and see how things go. Joe and I weren't home more than 15 minutes from our visit with her when Kingston called to say that she fell again. That makes probably 30 or more falls in the last 5 months. Apparently her osteoporosis isn't that bad because she never seems to get hurt (knock on wood). My insanity has subsided a little (not much) but now I'm going to go eat cake. Probably a 6 x 6 piece. That will make me feel better for about 10 minutes.

The Roller Coaster Ride Continues

I really want to blog about something fun and happy, but that is not my life right now (unfortunately). I said the other day that Mom seemed ok about going to the nursing home. Well....not so much! I called her this morning to let her know that I am going to move her on Monday. "Move me where?" "To the place that we looked at the other day." "Oh noooo, I don't want to go! I'm not going to like it there and I will miss all of my friends!" Silence on my end. I really have no clue what to say to her. Plus, I had to wait till the ringing in my head stopped from feeling like I just got bashed up side it! This is why it is important for people to be able to express their feelings. I realize that she is not herself these days, but I gave her so many opportunities to discuss things and she always shut me out or told me she was ok. I didn't even know she really had friends there. She never talks about anyone except to say that she can't stand her table mate, or that the physical therapist rubs her the wrong way. You know what, this is about me as much as it's about her, and this is fucking hard!! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it and I'm going insane!!!!!!!!!!! That's me expressing my feelings.

Happy Birthday Lisa

Happy Birthday Lisa! I haven't seen you around the blog world recently. I miss you! I hope everything is going well and I hope you have a wonderful Birthday. Love and kisses.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Today turned out to be a much better day. It didn't start out that way though. The nursing home wanted to change the room that we picked out. They wanted her in a room closer to the nurses station because she is a fall risk. I understand that from a nurses perspective, but I'm not a nurse now, I'm her daughter. Emotionally speaking, the room that we originally picked out felt better to me and as much as I could tell from Mom she was ok with it too. It's like getting psyched up for something and then someone goes and changes the plan. It knocks the wind out of your sail a little bit. I felt like they were pushing me into something I didn't want. I already didn't want to be there in the first place and now this! I was ready to go somewhere else. I forget sometimes that I have a support system in my family. I like to do everything myself so I very rarely ask for help. Silly me! I talked to Joe and he told me to stick to my guns and do what I think is right. He said:"Don't let them tell you what they want, it's up to you, you decide." I called Bryan to get his input. Bryan continues to surprise me. I'm pretty sure that Bryan says things to me sometimes that he knows are ridiculous just to see how I will react. When it really matters most he has the most level headed and right on advice. He will tell me when he thinks I'm overreacting. He has a way of making me see the other side without taking sides. Amanda and I are one in the same. I can talk to her and she knows exactly what I feel. We can validate each others feelings even when we know they are irrational. It helps put them in perspective. So, armed with the confidence from my husband and children I went to the nursing home to put my foot down (nicely though). I actually snuck in unannounced and found out from one of the nurses which room it was that they wanted to put Mom in. I went snooping around and found the lady that would be her roommate. Her name is Esther and she has one leg. She is a very sweet, soft spoken lady, that keeps a tidy room. We talked for a little while and I got a very nice feeling that this might be ok. Then I got caught by the admissions lady. I really didn't like her much, she was patronizing and didn't listen to me well. She had her own agenda. I overlooked that though and focused on my mission. Which was finding a room with good Karma! I went to the room that I first picked out and I didn't get as good an impression as I did the first time I was there. Interesting! So Esther it is, room 304. I go over tomorrow to start the paperwork. I had an epiphany while I was there today. It had to do with the fact that all of the residence that I talked to were hard of hearing. I decided that that is actually a good thing because that way they don't hear their roommate snoring. God works in mysterious ways.
This evening I got on my blog and read the comment from Steve. It has to be hard not being around. Steve, I want you and anyone else reading to know that I have never felt put upon to take care of Mom or felt that it should be you instead of me taking care of this. I have finally found my place in my family. I am the caretaker. It's what I do best and what I need to do. I know if you lived here you would be right by my side doing this with me. But I would have to be in charge though because I am a control freak (just ask Amanda). I finally feel like you and I are on the same page and I wouldn't change a thing. I love you too more than you know!

Life Changes

There are days that one looks forward to with great anticipation and excitement. Yesterday wasn't one of those days for me. I took my Mom to look at a Nursing Home. Never thought that day would come, but it has. I remember visiting my Grandma and Grandpa McKee at a Nursing Home. It was horrible! It smelled really bad and there was a lady there that grabbed everyone that walked by. My Grandma Moore was in a Nursing Home as well. The place she was in was much better, but it was still hard to go there. I was pretty young when my Grandparents died, so I wasn't really in touch with what my parents were going through having their parents in Nursing Homes. Thinking about putting your parents in a Nursing Home isn't something most people dwell on. The thought may enter your head, but you quickly dismiss it as unpleasant. So when the day actually comes, it hits you like a ton of bricks. I think I may be taking it harder than Mom. Mom is hard to read, especially now. She doesn't say too much and she doesn't really talk about her "feelings." So I'm sitting there holding her hand and staring at her and she looks at me and says: "What are you looking at?" "Oh, nothing, just at you." Seriously! does she not know how freaked out I am? Then while I choke back tears and try to control the urge to puke, I ask her: "Are you scared?" "No!, why would I be scared?" Am I on another planet? Am I not about to sentence my Mother to a life with no control? Why isn't there more screaming and kicking????? She's taking this way too well and it's making me feel guiltier. Then it hit me. BAM! This isn't about me. It's about her and she apparently has accepted it, or she is too confused to know. She has found some way to cope and move on, so I guess I need to too. I know it's the right thing to do, and the place I found is a nice place. It's like when a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness. Somehow they have to come to terms with it in their own mind and accept it. Everyone around them though is freaked out and not willing to accept it for them. Honestly, that's selfish, but it's what we do. I still feel like I'm going to puke every time I think about it, and I really don't know what the next step is or what I am going to do. I will however, figure it out and make the best of it. I Love my Mommy and I will hopefully do what is best for her. One thing you can count on.....NO ONE messes with my family and gets away with it. I got your back MaMa!

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary Lauren and Kenny. Apparently you done quite a bit of celebrating already in Seattle. Did ya have any coffee while you were there? (That's really all I know about Seattle and that it rains a lot). Was your wedding the last time I was in Colorado? I'm due for a trip out West, but who will take care of my chickies? Have a Happy Anniversary!!!

Political Story Time

Remember when you were little and your parents said: "If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, then don't say anything at all." It's kind of the cornerstone of proper manners. Apparently it doesn't apply to the political process. Slinging mud is the order of the day. Each party blaming the other and printing and saying things that are untrue and totally taken out of context. How is the average American supposed to make an informed decision when we're not even sure what to believe? I have actually been more involved in this election process than I have ever been. I have watched the debates, I've listened to CNN and MSNBC. I read any article I can that pertains to each parties policies and where they stand on issues, and I am more confused than ever. The money alone that they raise for their campaigns is obscene, and they spend it on ads to trash each other. How demeaning to the American people. It's like high school. The government is like the popular kids. They can do anything and get away with it. Then there is the rest of us and we have to go along for the ride. When it comes down to it, the presidential race is a popularity contest. Who do you like best? Who looks the best on camera? Who looks Presidential? Who do I think would make the best President? A better question is who would do a better job than George Bush? Well actually Joe the Plumber would probably make a better President than George Bush, but he's not running.

Addemdum to Predators Beware!

I almost forgot the validation for my recent behavior. Glamour magazine says: "Your eccentricities make you deliciously you!" So there you go, I am delicious!

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary Brad and Kim. How many years????? Brad didn't you get her a diamond ring a few anniversaries ago? Did you top that this year? What's going on you crazy kids? I hope you had a glorious day.

Predators Beware!

Hard to tell, but that's a mole. Caught the only reliable way that a mole can be caught, in a trap. Don't ever waste your money or time on mole bait or putting chewing gum in their tunnels. None of that works. Some people swear by the crazy remedies. Honestly, moles move around a lot, so you may think they are gone and they just tunnel deeper and show up somewhere else. I learned this in my master gardener class so I know the facts! I think my kids think I am going insane with my new found hobby of hunting. People are constantly reinventing themselves and discovering new and exciting ways to express themselves. Why can't I??? Besides it's one way to control my surrounding. I can't do much about the economy and the direction that this country is heading, but I can control my own environment and protect my own little country on West Hamilton Road. So that is what I am doing. Don't mess with the Alpha Doe! http://www.themoleman.com/control.htm

Oh The Horror!

I am a murderer! I shot a raccoon tonight that was lurking around the barn. So weird!!!! What have I become????? Even weirder, I don't really feel that bad. I am protecting my girls so everything is fair game. It's Joe's fault though, he told me to do it.

The Mighty Hunter

I stocked up on ammo today, put on my coveralls, and set out for the hunt. I started out lying on the ground close to where the chicken massacre took place. I was lying on a decline, so it wasn't very comfortable and I couldn't get my rifle in the proper position. Not to mention the mosquitoes kept buzzing my head. Change of plans, I figured I would go to Bryan's deer stand. Not a big fan of heights. I climbed up anyway and sat down. No wonder hunters sit perfectly still, there is no where to move. I got myself situated and the hunt was on. I researched a little last night and found out that if you make animal distress calls, it will (hopefully) attract the coyote. They actually make all kinds of devices you can use to make sounds, but being the thrifty girl that I am I figured I would use my mouth instead of buying an expensive gadget. One sound you can make is a kissing sound. That is supposed to simulate a mouse in distress. So here I am, twenty feet up in the air making kissing noises. I did that so long that my lips started to chap. Then I decided that I would make chicken noises since that is what attracted them in the first place. I only did that for a little while because it made me giggle. I had to go back to the kissing noise. I sat until dark without seeing a thing. I can definitely see the appeal of hunting though. You get to wear neat clothes and have lots of cool accessories and sit and enjoy nature. It is hard for me though to sit in one place that long. I kept wishing I took my DS with me. I'll try again tomorrow.

Digital Converter

Yes, Joe and I still own regular TV sets. They are all probably over 15 years old. My theory is that once the digital conversion goes into effect, most everyone will have bought new TV sets so the demand will be down and the price will go down. However, in the mean time we will have to get a digital converter. No big deal, I sent for the $40 coupons. The first time I went to purchase the converter they were out of them at Walmart. They were even out online. I waited awhile and kind of forgot about it. I was at Walmart yesterday and they had them in stock. I purchased them and when it was time for the coupon amount to be credited, it didn't work. "Oh, your coupons expired." "What!!!!" Are you kidding me? Leave it to the government to do something stupid like that. There is a deadline for when this conversion will take place so why not make that when the coupons expire. If there is a reason for this stupidity, I would love to know what it is.

Fowl Play

Three of my girls have become the victims of fowl play. Sometime between the hours of 4pm and 8pm they went missing. Unlike when Sugar disappeared leaving no evidence, I found a trail of feathers. It was dark when I began searching so I will have to resume tracking in the morning. I would say it's a 95% probability that it was a coyote. I have always said that I could never hunt, unless the animal pissed me off. Well, I'm pissed off, so watch out coyotes I'm coming for you!

Are you happy now?

Ok Sarah, I added your blog back to my list, but you have to write at least once a week.

I have a girl crush on Chelsea Handler. Not that I want to have sex with her or anything, I would just like to hang out with her. She is hilarious!!!! She says what most people think and she doesn't apologize for it. If you've never watched her show, you have to check it out. Chelsea for President!
http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/chelsea/index.jsp

New Look

I had to update my blog a little bit. It's like everything else in my life, I need to shake it up every once in awhile. It keeps your brain more active if you don't do the same things all the time. I wonder if I move Joe's chair and he doesn't pay attention, he'll sit on the floor? I'll let you know.

The perfect match

I was watching late night TV last night and I saw a commercial for Match.com. I've seen this commercial before and it's always bothered me. They say "It's ok to look" basically saying you can see the people who have signed up. They have this guy standing there in a suit and a Robinhood hat (minus the feather.) Oh Baby sign me up! Are you kidding me? Aren't you supposed to try to market to the masses, not one or two women with a Robinhood fetish. Joe has some funny looking hats, but if he ever wore one like that I'd divorce him.

Dial a Human

You know when you call a company and you spend 5 minutes just pushing buttons to get to a real person. I don't know of anyone that doesn't hate that. I've actually gotten in arguments with the automated voice systems; although it's a one sided argument since the voice never argues back. (I may have anger issues.) Anyway, I found a website that lists a bunch of companies and how you can bypass their automated system and get directly to a person. I haven't tried it yet, but it may be worth checking out. http://www.dialahuman.com/

Quit being mean to me!

I'm wondering if I have the words "Abuse Me" written across my forehead. Twice in the last 2 weeks I have been verbally abused by motorists. The first time I was on my motorcycle. Some impatient lady pulled up behind me and immediately honked her horn. Thinking it was someone that knew me, I turned around. She mouthed the words "what are you waiting for?" Being the cool and calm person that I normally am, I responded; "waiting for the f--king cars you stupid b---h! She was in a position that she couldn't even see the oncoming traffic. So again, being the understanding and considerate person that I normally am, I waited until there were no cars in sight before I proceded to cross the intersection (that took about 60 seconds). I played chicken with her, switching lanes and such for a little while until I came to my senses and realized that on my motorcycle I was not going to be effective if I rammed her car. So, we both flipped each other off and went on our merry way. Today, I went to a car repair shop to pick up Amanda. I had never been to this particular shop before and parking was limited. I pulled around the building and parked. As I was walking up some large scary man in a pick up truck yelled at me to move my car. Not letting him intimidate me, I asked "why". He pointed out that I was not in the parking lot of the business I was going to. My bad! It was all one building, but apparently not a connected business. I proceeded to tell him that I was sorry, I have never been here before. He immediately began to berate me saying; "can't you read the sign??" 'This side of the building is even a different color." blah, blah blah. A nice; "please move your car, your in the wrong parking lot." Would have been sufficient enough for me to say "sorry" and move my car. In the spirit of the day, I called him a "f--king moron" and he called me a "bitch". I actually stepped up on the running board of the truck and looked over the top to yell my insult, just to make sure he heard me. Then I moved my car. Why? Why? Why? do people have to be so rude to people they don't even know? I consider myself a nice person, courteous and reasonable, but when someone goes off on me for no reason I loose it! I would never instantly approach someone and be an asshole. I have to get to know them first to see if they deserve it. Seriously people, learn some patience and manners.

Nursing 101

This is a panniculus, an image that I'm sure you will never forget. I had a friend working in the ER that had to put a catheter in a women with a large panniculus. She had to move the panniculus and when she did, a $10 bill fell out. The woman said that that is where she hides her cash so her boyfriend doesn't find it. She then stuck it underneath her breast. One reason why you should never put money in your mouth. You don't know where it's been.

Bad News....Good News

I haven't written anything for awhile because frankly, everything I think about lately is depressing. The economy, stupid customer service people, Mom is not feeling well, the dog is old, Amanda's car broke down, Bryan and Sarah's neighbors are idiots....I could go on but I won't. There is a saying though: "You are only as happy as your unhappiest child." That is so true and it doesn't matter how old they are you still hurt when they hurt. I have a tendency to want to fix everything for them, but I know I can't. I've been trying to think of something to discuss that was not a downer. Sarah gave me something good to shout about.....SHE GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE NURSING PROGRAM!!!!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! I'm so excited for her and PROUD. This will be a great step to a better financial future for her and Bryan. Congrats Sarah! I can't wait to help you study. What I really want though is to be a fly on the wall when you are about to perform your first catheterization on a uncircumcised 80 year old man, or when you have to give a bed bath to a 300 lb woman with a huge panniculus (look it up) that's heavier than Nicholas. That would be PRICELESS! Gosh I miss nursing, but now I can live vicariously through you.

Happy Birthday Laura

I'm sorry I'm late with your birthday wish. I hope you had a great day! Happy Birthday from beautiful Fort Wayne.

The Chicken Chronicles

Chicken Update.....I am up to 8 eggs everyday. I have started giving eggs away to friends and family because you can only eat so many eggs. Bryan finally took some today but Brad is still queasy about them. The chickens have become really friendly and they come running when they see people. Ellie, however has been attacked two or three times so she stays a good 15 feet away from them at all times. I should have done this a long time ago, I'm having soooo much fun. I have a sign on my door now that reads: "check your shoe for chicken poo." Chicken poo is everywhere!!!!!

Happy Birthday to Robbie and Shane

Robbie what can I say. I think you are the greatest! You are the hardest worker I know , and you give great advice and support. Plus you have put up with my brother all of these years. I Love you and I am proud to call you my sister. Happy 65th Birthday or whatever.
Shaner, you are the biggest sweetest teddy bear ever! You are so much fun to be around. I am sad that I don't get to see you more often, but when I do it's always entertaining. I Love you and I hope you have a wonderful Birthday. (Don't fall down.)

Proper Baby Etiquette

I was looking at pictures of baby Delanie and thinking that she is so cute! I can see both Karl and Monica in her. She going to be a dark skin, dark eyed little peanut. She is the kind of baby that people will walk up to and say: "she's so adorable!" What about the babies that aren't adorable? Let's be honest, there are babies out their that are just plain ugly. Don't get me wrong, I think all babies are precious and deserving of love no matter how hideous they look, but when you peek inside a baby stroller your looking for that cute little bundle of squishy flesh. Seeing that just makes people smile. What happens when you peek inside and you see a baby that looks like its been run over by a lawn roller? Your immediate reaction is to say: "Oh my God!", but you have to control yourself, (a): because you don't want to hurt the parents feelings, and (b): because if you startle the baby it will start to cry and an ugly baby is even uglier when it's crying. Now since you've made the gesture to look inside the stroller you are pretty much obligated to comment. What do you say? "Oh my gosh, I've never seen such an ugly baby." Not the right thing to say, it just makes you sound shallow. Save those comments for later. You don't want to say; "Oh it's so cute" either. First of all, never call a baby, "it". That is just adding insult to injury because the parents know their baby is ugly even if they don't say it out loud. So calling their ugly baby "it" is really a low blow. Secondly, if you say a baby is cute and it isn't, then that makes you a liar. Nobody likes a liar. It's better to use words like: "precious" and "God's little miracle." Those are safe terms since they describe babies as a group in general. The next issue is the sex of the baby. Some parents get offended when you call their baby the wrong sex. That's just stupid. Babies are usually bald, wrinkly and sleeping. So unless they are dressed in the traditional color coded pink for girls, and blue for boys, then it's a toss up. But again, don't say; "Is it a boy or girl?" Say; "Is your baby a boy or girl?" Remember the term "it" should be avoided. Sometimes though you'll see a baby dressed in pink with a pink blanket and stroller, and a pink bow in its hair and some moron will ask; "oh is it a boy or girl?" It's best to just ignore those people because they are idiots. I'm just glad that I don't have to worry about ugly babies in our family. McKee descendants have the cute baby gene.

Happy Birthday Henry

Oh Henry, Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful Birthday and get to eat lots of cake. Bryan says "Hi!" Love and Kisses!

When Chickens Attack

"Jax, what does a chicken say?"....."Baaaack, baaaack, baaaaaack"........"Jax, what does a chicken do when it's being harassed?"

Happy Birthday Kris

My little Kris! Happy Birthday! How are things out Iowa way? I haven't talked to you in awhile, I hope your doing well. I miss you! Love and Kisses. I hope you have a great Birthday.

Little Adventurers

 

Congrats Karl & Monica

I hear Delanie was born September 14th! Congratulations!!!!! I need details and a picture.

Update....Delanie was born on the 13th, not the 14th. Sorry!

Happy Birthday JuJu!

Nanu & Papa Joe Love You!

Mani Pedi

Amanda took me to get a manicure and pedicure today for my belated Birthday present. I've only had two pedicures and one manicure in my life not counting today's, but this one by far is the best. Those Asians know how to do nails. I don't understand though why most of the nail salons are staffed with Asians. Is it a cultural thing?? My previous manicure and pedicures were done by Caucasian Americans and they sucked. There has to be a story around why Asians Americans and nails go hand in hand. It is a good thing though that having your nails done is a pretty straight forward thing that doesn't require much communication. The language barrier can be a little tricky. This particular salon that we went to served wine during our pedicure. Nice touch! They actually had a wide screen TV playing karaoke videos of mostly 80's music with none of the original artists. Interesting. Maybe if everyone had enough wine they may break out in song, I don't know. It didn't happen when we were there. They were all very nice and my nail tech did speak English. Next time though I'm taking an interpreter with me so I can find out what they are saying to each other when they are pointing and laughing. It's probably something about toe jam.

Thanks Amanda for the new cultural experience.

No Baby Bunnies!!!!!

Today is the day that Toby would have had babies if Happy successfully nailed her. So thankfully Happy didn't have a Happy ending. All is well in Bunnyville.

Happy Birthday Amber

Happy Birthday Amber! Why aren't you on the Presidental ballot. I would vote for you. Maybe your not quite old enough yet. I've been hearing great things about you and how well you are doing in school. Keep it up and one day maybe you will be President, or whatever you want. Have you thought about rocket science? Everyone here in Indiana wishes you a Very Happy Day! Love and Kisses

Hey look! This is my 100th blog.

Happy Birthday Lauren

It's midnight September 10th. I wanted to be the first one of the day to wish you a Happy Birthday! What are you going to do today??? Maybe you should wrap yourself up in that blankey that Kenny got you and play hooky from work. Whatever you do I hope you have a wonderful day. Love and Kisses from all of us Hoosiers.

Final Wedding Wrap Up

I need to address a few more details in my original blog about the wedding. Namely the wet sheets and forgetfulness. The night before the wedding, Kyle came grumbling out of the room he was staying in saying something about someone pissing in his bed. He went to get into bed and found it very wet with pee pee. Not sure how it got that way, but they are assuming it was from one of the children that had been at the rehersal dinner. Gross! Robbie to the rescue with a clean set of sheets. Regarding the forgetfullness, Shane forgot the ring. They got to the church and Shane had the ring box, but no ring. It slipped out of his pocket and into the couch cushion. I'm a little sketchy on how it got out of the box in the first place. So, Kyle married Carrie using Shane's wedding ring. I wonder, does that give Shane any kind of benefits????
Finally the Math..... 1 liter is 1000cc
1.75 liter is 1750cc
1 cup is 240cc so, there is approximately 7 1/3 cups of tequilla in each of the jugs used to make the marguaritas.
4 jugs of tequilla is 7 liters or just shy of 30 cups
Based on the recipe we had and all of the people trying to figure it out, I don't know how they turned out so good. I was forbidden to have any though. Bryan was afraid I would do something stupid.

More Wedding Details

Lauren wanted a few more details regarding the wedding. Especially about the naked men and broken bones. I didn't get to personally see completely naked men, but apparently Kyle had a streaking episode that was caught on video. He had a minor injury to his foot when he had to dive into a ditch to avoid the cops, or maybe he just fell down because he was drunk. I'm not sure. One of the groomsmen (Andy) wanted to make us think he was naked by partially exposing himself to Robbie and I from the loft of the house we were staying in. We were so excited. Shane had the possible broken bone. Again, I wasn't present to actually witness this incident, but apparently Shane tripped over part of a large wagon in the dark. There is some question as to whether he fell because he was shit face drunk, or if it was a legitimate accident. If I had to guess I would say probably a little of both. His thumb area swelled up like a balloon. I still don't know if he ever got it x-rayed or not. Robbie, Lisa and I witnessed a girl dirty dancing with her boyfriend and in an attempt at a squat manuever she ripped her pants from crotch to knee. Very classy. That however did not compare to the large girl at Shane and Dina's wedding that was doing some kind of humping thing on all fours across the dance floor. Kyle and Shane have some interesting friends.

Video Montage

I lied, I couldn't go to sleep till I got this video posted. I love it! I got a new video camera at Amanda's recommendation called a FLIP video. It's tiny like a camera and it records up to 1 hour of video. You can download it to your computer and the software is built right into the camcorder, then you can do fun stuff like this video. Enjoy the Godferrin Wedding video!

Kyle & Carrie's Wedding

What a great weekend. It had all the elements of the perfect wedding. Let's recap. There was hugging, lots of laughing, drinking, eating, crying, family drama, broken bones, more drinking, dancing, wardrobe malfunctions, forgetfulness, naked men, wet sheets, math, singing, falling down and then more laughing and drinking, arguing, stress, and only 2 bathrooms for around 10-12 people. It doesn't get any better than that. I'll elaborate more later, for now I have to catch up on my sleep. After all I'm 49 now, I need my rest. Check out the pictures in the photo gallery.

Good Times

Went to Paula's on Main St. tonight to celebrate Sarah passing her TEAS Test. Apparently at one point in time as an attempt to bribe her, I told her we would all go to Paula's if she passed her test. Who knew! I had to make good on my promise. We had a great time! Check out the photos in the Gallery.

Pictures of Labor Day Party

Click on the Photo Gallery link in the column on the right and go to the pictures of the Labor Day Party to view the fun. I noticed that in the pictures of the Kayak Race, no one is smiling but Bryan and I. Hummmmmm!

PS: A "bye" is when a player or team advances to the next round "without" playing due to uneven amount of players or teams. It doesn't mean that the team with the "bye" has to run around and get as tired as the teams that didn't have the "bye". Just FYI.

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to Lisa & Walt and Karl & Monica. I hope you have a wonderful day and many more happy days to come. Monica have you had the baby yet????? That would be a nice anniversary present. Diamonds are nice too.

Party Recap

Now I know why they call it Labor Day. I'm exhausted! I know I'm really tired when I can sleep through the night without waking up once, which is what I have done for the last 2 nights. It was worth it though. I think the party was a success. The weather was perfect and the food was great! We had a scavenger hunt for leaves and plants. More people participated in that than I thought would, so that was great. I wanted to get people to get out and explore the property because it is so pretty. I think Joe really got into it too. He's the resident plant and tree expert. I moved the site of the picnic set up to an area where the old house used to be. It was a lot better because there was natural shade and it was much more comfortable than sitting under tents around the house. The guys did some clay pigeon shooting. I saw Sarah try, but I didn't see any other girls try. The boys were showing off, however, no one shot a dragonfly out of the air like Kyle did last year. I may have people bring their own shells next year, its a pretty popular event and ammo is expensive. Anyone planning on shooting more than 10 rounds has to bring their own shells. I think that's fair. I know that most of the guys did bring their own, but without naming names, some people didn't bring any. Moving on to the Kayak Race. Well........Bryan and I won again. Yah us! We have to pat ourselves on the back because everyone else hates us. Bryan paddled in for the win and there was dead silence. No one clapped, and I'm not sure but I think someone groaned. Talk about a bitter sweet victory. I know what Michael Phelps felt like when one of his former competitors said there was no way he would win 8 gold metals. When he did, that guy didn't even smile. Don't be a winner hater! Bryan and I can't help that we are superior athletes. It's not like there weren't other teams that had strong competitors. What about Bob and Chrissy. They are young and athletic. They just weren't up to the challenge. Sarah and Tyler were another strong pair. They tanked too. Actually Sarah should have been disqualified because she didn't wear a life jacket after Joe actually handed her one. (Don't deny it.) So in an effort to appease all of the winner haters, next year we will draw names for teams. No one gets to choose who they will be with. When I win next year, there better be clapping. After all it will be my Birthday. By the way, one of the reasons Bryan and I raced together was because I knew that otherwise we would be arguing and fighting about the rules and who did what to who. If he was on my team I knew we wouldn't argue. I was trying to spare everyone the misery of listening to that. So next year when it starts, don't say I didn't warn you. Bryan and I may be just a tad competitive.
As usual I didn't take enough pictures. All of the grand kids were there and I didn't get a picture of them together. We have yet to get a picture with all of them. Maybe next year. Bryan, Brad, Jim, Julian and I spent the night at the farm. Bryan,Brad and Jim were supposed to camp. Brad was the only "big boy." He actually camped. Jim and Bryan came in the house around 3am and slept. Sarah didn't really want Julian to camp out, especially being around the routy guys. I wasn't sure how we were going to convince him that it would be more fun to sleep inside with Nanu. All it took was the coyotes howling once and he was ready to go inside. I fixed breakfast over the campfire the next morning, and after the guys helped me put stuff away they went home and I stayed till around 5pm and finished cleaning. I'm already planning for next year. Anyone know a good banjo player?

Dog Days of Summer

Too Long since my last post. I was busy organizing for the party, then cleaning up after the party. Plus, grandma's been sick, but I think she is feeling a little better. Electrical work, chickens, bunnies, babysitting, cleaning, the list is endless just like everyone's. I have to take a nap though and catch up on my sleep so I will be refreshed to tell you all about the Labor Day Party.

EGGstravaganza

I'm on the crazy train to eggsville. I have a total of 5 eggs now and all of them have shells except the first one. It must have been a trial egg. 4 of them are small and 1 egg is perfect! I never thought I would be so excited about eggs. I haven't eaten any yet....I'm scared. Silly, I know, but I'm a city girl and still used to eggs coming from the store. I'll work up the courage in the next day or so and let you know how they are.

FIRST EGG!!!

I got the first egg....if you want to call it an egg. I know its for real this time because you couldn't buy this egg in the store. It doesn't have a shell. That's right folks, no shell. For a first time chicken mommy (that's me) this was an interesting sight. If it hadn't been for Joe telling me about seeing eggs like this before, I probably would have been shocked. It feels like those fake breasts you can buy at Victoria Secret. Soft and squishy. Apparently not too uncommon in the chicken world if your chicken is lacking in calcium. There is calcium in their food, but they are not eating that much of it since its hot. They also fill up on stuff outside since they run around in the yard. So I am off to the feed store to get some oyster shells. We girls need our calcium.

Try to imagine if things were different and we laid eggs with babies in them. We'd lay about an eight pound egg and then have to lay on it for a few weeks. Sarah would be a good brooder because she likes to lay around. Imagine the size of the opening that an eight pound egg would have to come out of. Ouch!!!!!

Great News!!!!

Sarah took her TEAS test today and passed. Yah!!!!!!!! I'm totally taking credit since I helped her study. Just kidding, she worked really hard and made it happen. Congrats Sarah! I couldn't be prouder.

No Sugar Tonight

Joe and I scoured the woods and valley one last time and still no sign of Sugar. Since there is really no sign that an animal got her, I prefer to think that she was abducted by a band of traveling Gypsies that worship chickens as their Ruler and feed her all the corn and bugs she wants.

Sad Day

Sugar is missing! No sign of her anywhere. I checked all of her regular haunts. No sign of a struggle. She just disappeared. I hate not knowing if it was a predator attack or she just wandered off and got injured. I did the St. Anthony prayer so maybe she'll show up.

Happy Anniversary Julie & Michael

Joe and I both have crappy memories so I'm not sure how many years it is, besides with having to take care of triplets I'm not so sure you remember either. Anyhow, We hope you have a Happy Day and maybe even get some alone time. Lock the kids in the closet for a little while. As long as they have drinks and a few Cheerios they'll be ok. That's what I do with Jax when I need some alone time. Love and kisses!

PS: I am totally and completely kidding about the closet thing. I want to make that clear in case anyone from Child Protective Services reads this.

Happy Anniversary Bryan & Sarah

I already got yelled at for not posting a Happy Anniversary to Bryan and Sarah, but I have 2 hours and 45minutes until the day is over so it still counts. Like I have nothing better to do than blog all day. I have places to go and people to see and shit to take care of. Anyway, Happy 45th Wedding Anniversary or whatever. I stopped by Bryan and Sarah's tonight and the music was loud, Nicholas was crying and Bryan and Sarah were arguing about something random. All is well and Life is good. If the kids were calm and Bryan and Sarah were getting along then I would be very worried. So, carry on you crazy kids! I love you Bunches!!!

Who Makes This Stuff Up???

Sarah came over last night so that I could help her study for her "Teas" test. It is a standardized test that she needs to take and pass before she can be admitted into the nursing program. This is something new since I've gone to nursing school. I thought maybe I could help her understand some medical concepts and such. She brings the book which wasn't too intimidating; only about an inch thick. Compared to the Nursing Board Review book which is about 3 inches thick. I figured this will be a piece of cake and I can show her how smart I am and yada, yada, yada. The first thing she showed me was a chart with big "A's" and little "a's" and a bunch of stuff about alleles and dominant and recessive and lots of words that I'm not sure I've ever heard of. "What are you trying to become? A genetic engineer???" I know I learned that stuff at one point in time, however, I've definitely forgotten it. After a little while I pretty much figured that out and she seems pretty comfortable with it so we move on. Graphs and charts and pill bugs. Yah, some scenario about pill bugs and eating wheat and being in the dark. I don't know it was all crazy. Sarah decides that she wants to take an online practice test. I'm all for that, I think that is a really good way to study and get an idea of the real test. We take it together. Math,reasoning problems, punctuation and spelling all went pretty well. Then we get to Science. "Are you kidding me?" What is it about Tectonic plates that is related to the medical field? Why do I care how rocks are formed? There were a few medical related questions, the rest were a random trivia that there is no way you could study for. Either you know it or you don't. Not fair, but reality. So, she's taking the test for real on Monday. I know she can do it, she just has to stay positive. As a little back up though; everyone say a little prayer when they wake up on Monday to give Sarah the edge. By the way, I didn't do that well on the punctuation part, so don't critique my writing. I'm not even sure what a conjunction is.

A day in the life of a chicken farmer

The girls seem to be settling in to their new home. They venture out further and further each day. Sometimes it takes me awhile to find them. Today they decided to make dust holes in the back of the barn. Bear and Ellie do their part in keeping them close to their coop. I made the mistake of encouraging Ellie to chase them and now she won't quit. Bear chases them occasionally but as of yet he hasn't tried to eat them. I have Poached eating out of my hand. Every time she sees me she comes running. During the day it would be hard to catch one, but at night it is a different story. I find it to be a weird phenomenon. At night when they go into the coop to roost, I can walk up to them and pet them and pick them up without difficulty. It's almost like they are drugged. I tried to find out if their is a reason for that but as of yet my research has turned up no real answers. I am enjoying them immensely but still waiting for eggs. I figure by mid September I should have eggs. If I don't, then they are defective.

Happy Birthday Manders!

Manda, Manda, Manda. My baby is all grown up! 25 today. You have grown in to a beautiful and smart woman. You amaze me with the things you have accomplished: Running your own business, raising a family, putting up with Brad (you know I love you Brad). You brighten my day every time I see your sweet smiling face. You do however; still have an Amanda moment every once in a while: "Mom, how do you spell BUREAU?" "B-U-R-E-A-U". "Wow, that's a hard one!" You are adorable and I love you very very much! Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Omlet Anyone?

Imagine my excitement and surprise to go out to the hen house this morning and find eggs! 9 beautiful surprisingly clean eggs. They were all over the place. I felt like a kid at Easter. I did my happy dance right there in the middle of the hen house. I sent a picture message of my eggs to anyone I thought might remotely care. I didn't even know if any of them had camera phones. I didn't care, I was a proud Mama! I took pictures of them, I even hard boiled the eggs in my refrigerator so I could make egg salad and use them up since I was about to have fresh eggs everyday. Then..........Imagine my disappointment and shock to find out that it was an egg scam perpetrated by Bryan and Brad. Those butt heads went and got brown eggs at the store and came back last night and put them in the hen house. I should have known! The signs were there. The eggs were pristine, no poop stains, they were perfect size, shape and color, they were in the exact middle of the nesting box with no poop in site or bedding disturbed, and one was on the top of the ramp. I was so excited that I ignored the obvious. They got me good! Sarah was in on it. (that bitch). Amanda didn't know because Brad knew she would feel bad for me and probably tell. The funny thing is that I have never felt so loved. No one has ever punked me like that before. Plus it's really nice to see Bryan and Brad act like 10 year olds again. I haven't seen that since they tried to float in recycle bins down the river.
Soooooo....Bring it on boys, just remember that payback are a bitch. By the way I'm making dinner tonight and your invited.

It's the Law

If there isn't a law against drinking and sewing, there ought to be. It can be dangerous.

Unpredictable Kids and Animals

Why is it that kids and animals always do what you don't want them to do. Is there some cosmic hand that comes down and guides them to mischief? Jaxon is seemingly occupied playing with my spools of thread which I will unravel later. I figure I could maybe cut some material for the pillows I am making. I get the material all even and laid out on the cutting mat and Jax comes over and sits down right in the middle of the fabric. I know he did it on purpose. Fine, I'll move onto something else. He's playing in the playroom quietly so maybe I'll crochet a little. No, as soon as I pick up the crochet I become a human jungle gym for him to climb on. I surrender, besides his dad will be here soon. Brad gets here and I hand off Jax. I happen to glance out the window and I see Happy on the hill in the backyard. Happy isn't supposed to be on the hill, because that means he is out of his cage. Brad and I run outside and corral him pretty quickly thank goodness. He had dug a hole under the wire on the grass cage. What an ungrateful bastard! He tried to hump his sister, now he tries to escape. He doesn't realize how good he has it. My animals are probably treated better than some peoples kids. To top off the last hour, Ellie rolled in chicken shit. Very runny chicken shit! I think even she was disgusted because she kept coughing. Then there is my little fibber boy Julian. He asked for cookies but Mom said no because they were going to eat dinner soon. He gets me in the house under the guise of having to go to the bathroom. "So, how bout those cookies?" "Your Mommy said no." "Just give them to me real quick and I'll eat them fast." I finally convince him that we can't disobey his Mommy. He's standing by the dishwasher and says I didn't push any buttons and then goes out the door to leave. I really didn't pay attention to his comment about pushing buttons, until later when I looked at the dishwasher and it was lit up like a Christmas Tree. What a little fibber! Unpredictable but never boring.....I love them all.

MEET THE GIRLS!

Happy Birthday Dreama

Dreama is 96 years old today. Happy Birthday Dreama Belle. Dreama is convinced that she is only 91. I told her to at least pick 20 years younger if she wants to lie about her age. I am convinced that I'm only 29.
Happy Birthday to Chris Ottinger yesterday. Chris is busy with new baby Orion. Congrats and Happy Birthday.

Barnyard Fun

I put in a search on Google: "copulation of rabbits" I was trying to be somewhat medical in my terminology. What I really wanted to know is how long it takes for rabbits to "do it." Sure enough, up pops a heading: "How long does it take for rabbits to do it." I love the Internet. There was a little rabbit incident tonight. I keep all of them in different cages, but when I put them in the yard pen I put the two does out together and then I put them up and put the buck out. During the exchange, Toby(doe) was in with Happy(buck) for a few seconds so I could make the switch. I'm telling you it wasn't 10 seconds that Happy was chasing Toby and trying to jump on her. The pen that I have in the grass has an opening at one end and it's 9 feet long by 3 feet wide and I have wire over the top to keep out predators. The only way to get to them before they complete the deed is to climb into the pen. Did I mention that it is only 2 feet high. I start screaming at Happy to get off of Toby which brings Bear(my dog) over to see what all the commotion is about. I'm trying to climb into the cage and keep Bear out all the while my sweater keeps getting caught on the wire top of the cage. Toby is managing to keep her virginity in tack by running around. Right before I grab Toby, Happy jumps on and does some quick bunny thrusts to which I respond by pushing him off hopefully before he finished. I've never been that close to bunny sex before. So that is what prompted my Internet search about bunny sex. Apparently it takes only minutes, maybe even seconds for bunnies to mate, however; when they are done the buck usually falls off out of satisfaction. Happy didn't get to fall off, I think I pushed him off before he was done. I think I'm safe. Here are some other interesting bunny facts:
- Rabbits have two pair of boobs
- They eat their own poop at night
- They can't throw up
- It takes 40 rabbits to make a full length coat
- They have three eyelids
- They ovulate in response to sex that is why they can reproduce so often
- Bunny sex last only seconds and their is no foreplay
So guys the next time a woman tells you that you hump like a rabbit, don't take it as a compliment.

The chickens seem to be settling in their new home. The first day they huddled in the corner. Now they are venturing out and don't seem as skiddish when people are around. It's already easier to herd them back into the coop when I need to. They are really fun to watch. Since they have relaxed a little more, they are starting to show personalities. I am in the process of giving them their names, but I have to be able to tell them apart first. I'm not ready to post photos yet, I am holding out for the best offer. Ater all, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got 14 million for pictures of their new twins. I should be able to get a least 10.......dollars.

Happy Birthday Tad

I have been so engrossed in my new chickens that I forgot to wish Tad a Happy Birthday yesterday. Sorry Tad! I hope you had a great Birthday! Today would have been Roger's 59th Birthday. Happy Birthday Roger wherever you are. I mean wherever in heaven of course.

THE CHICKENS HAVE LANDED!

Well I always say "prepare for the unexpected because people are stupid." I told you yesterday that the hatchery said that my chickens probably wouldn't arrive until Thursday or Friday because they for sure wouldn't ship until today. Well guess what. They arrived today! Another example of American commerce where the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing. I was watching both Nicholas and Jaxon when I got the call to pick up the chickens. I couldn't wait for Sarah to get here to pick up Nicholas so I loaded the boys up in Joe's new van and headed for the post office. Sure enough, there they were in two boxes. They looked like those boxes that you get when you buy a hamster only bigger. Out of respect for Joe's new van I put plastic down in the back before I put the chickens in. They were pretty quiet on the ride home (I thought they were dead). I put classical music on the radio to calm them. I read somewhere where they like that. The trip home was uneventful and I dropped them off at the barn, headed to the house to fill up the water containers then I took the boys out of the car. So organized! Not for long. I opened the box and they all just sat there. I tipped the box over so they would come out and they just sat there. I finally turned the boxes upside down and I swear they were clinging to the bottom of the box because they wouldn't come out. I finally put my hand in the box and that is when they all flew out. Kids were screaming and birds were flying. I finally got everyone settled down, and I counted the birds. "9". Counted again, "9". What happened to the 10th bird? I remember that one had flown onto the ramp and I thought that in the chaos that maybe it went outside. I looked around and there was no sign of her. I went back in and counted, "9". The boys wanted to ride on the 4 wheeler (they were done with the chickens already), so I thought I would ride around the yard and see if I could find her. I was about 50 yards from the barn when I saw a clump of feathers. A few yards later there was another clump of feathers. I went looking for Bear thinking that maybe he got it and killed it. Bear looked totally innocent, and I like a fool am standing there asking Bear if he ate the chicken. I even smelled his breath to see if I could smell chicken or see any feathers between his teeth. Nothing. I agonized over losing a chicken within the first 15 minutes of having it home. The boys played outside while I listened for sounds of an injured bird. Sarah came to pick up Nicholas and she wanted to go out and see the chickens. I told her my tale on the way to the barn. She went in and was looking at the chickens while I looked around more outside. She calls me in the barn and says "there are 10 chickens here." No way! Yes, there they were; 5 black chickens and 5 red chickens. I have no idea how I miscounted that many times but apparently I did. I don't know what the feathers in the yard were from, but at least it wasn't one of my new babies. I felt so much better. Now I could relax. At least until Bryan and Brad came over. Brad shows up first and he decides that they need to go outside. He starts chasing them around the coop trying to catch them. He finally gets one and puts it on the ramp toward the opening. She didn't want to go out so he gives her a little boost. By this time Bryan gets here I am actually holding one. It is surprisingly calm. One by one Bryan and Brad catch the birds and take them outside. A few got out of the coop before they could catch them so they ended up chasing them for awhile. It probably took about 45 minutes to get all of them outside. I thought, great now they are outside and Bryan and Brad are going home and then tonight I am going to have to put them back inside. Typical! Oh, I almost forgot about the one that flew into the rafters. Brad shewed it out and it flew down and landed on my head. Good Times!
So its time to get them back in the coop for the night. Normally if they were used to it, they would go back in on their own, but I don't think they had time to acclimate to their surroundings. Joe and I try to herd them first. Not working. I tried to catch one. That didn't work either. I tried a basket. Bad idea. Finally Joe and I both caught one each. We put them through the window opening so they would know where the door is. I put mine through the door and I heard it kind of roll down the ramp. Oops! It took us about 20mins just to get those 2. Finally Joe gets behind the last eight and starts slowly coaxing them toward the front barn door. He's walking really slowly with his arms out and he's making a shhh sound. The chickens are actually walking forward in a group toward the door. One went AWOL but he got seven in at one time. Way to go Joe! Once the final chicken heard where it's sisters were, she went in too. Finally all bedded down for the night. I hope it gets easier. I took skin off my knees trying to rub the dirt and chicken poop off from crawling under the bushes trying to get them. So much fun already and it hasn't even been 24 hours. I have to go now and check on them. Joe won't let me sleep in the barn.

Chicken Update

Apparently chicken shipping is on Wednesdays. So they will be sent out tomorrow and could take up to 72 hours to arrive. I don't want my chickens in a box for 72 hours. I asked the customer service lady if they would be ok for 72 hours. She said probably. If they die, we'll send you some more. I realize that chickens basically exist for meat and eggs, but have a little respect! Chickens are people too. Ok, maybe not. I'm sure I'll feel different the first time one pecks me when I am trying to gather eggs or eats the flowers in my garden, or maybe after I've shoveled chicken poop for the hundredth time. Time will tell.

Bryan's blog

Bryan started a blog, mostly to make fun of Sarah, Amanda and I. He can be a real ass sometimes. He wants me to put his blog address under my "blogs of interest" section. I have reservations because his blogs could be considered offensive to some and I suppose extremely humorous to others. As a mother I should be offended by his off color humor, but as an adult with a twisted mind, I think he is pretty funny most of the time. So to be fair I will list his blog. Be advised the content may not be suitable for younger viewers. The views expressed on www.wolfknuckles.blogspot.com are not necessarily the views of Whaddup Doe blogspot or any other associated blogs. Whaddup Doe is not responsible for any ill effects created by viewing the aforementioned blog. Viewer discretion is advised.

Moore Family Reunion

We had the Moore Family Reunion today at Foster Park. My mom and Aunt Velma actually made it this year. They are the two oldest siblings. It's getting harder to get them out and about. It's difficult for mom to walk too much. The one thing I noticed at the reunion is the inevitable fact that every one is aging. I see the "kids" that I grew up now all have kids and grand kids. I didn't know half of the people that were there. It was pretty easy though to tell who they belonged too. Most of the kids now look just like one or both of their parents. Aging really does suck! Life is like the ultimate cosmic joke. By the time you start to settle down and know yourself and be comfortable with who you are and have the means to do more things, your body starts to give out and you can't enjoy it. Well screw that! I'm gonna play softball even though my muscles are sore afterwards. I am not going to utter the phrase "I'm too old for that". I will follow my grand kids down the slide (until I break a hip). I will still wear the leather skirt that makes me look like a hoochie (well, maybe not in public). I refuse to go down without a fight and by no means am I ready to settle into a retired life. I am just getting started.! And God Bless the person that invented hair dye.

Happy Birthday Matthew and Jan

Big Birthday Day! Happy Birthday Matthew. How are things out in mountainous Colorado? Climbed up Pike's Peak lately? I need to get out there so we can climb down the Peak before I get to old to walk. Hope you have a great B-day. Eat lots of cake and have a piece for me. I miss you bunches!

And....Happy B-day to Jan (Brad's dad). Jan is in Oklahoma right now visiting his granddaughter for her 1st birthday. I think they have the Internet in Oklahoma so hopefully he will get his birthday greeting. Have a great B-day!

Challenge the Universe

I consider my self a reasonably smart woman, yet I continually attempt to challenge the laws of physics and gravity. I know I won't win, but I do it anyway. Maybe just one time the eight foot piece of wood that I am holding over my head with one hand and trying to hammer with the other won't fall on my head. I didn't really try to do that, that was just an example. What I did do however, is construct a kayak stand out of pvc. It stands 7' tall by 4.5' wide and 6'deep. I assembled it at my house without glue because I wanted to make sure it went together ok. My plan was to put it on my flatbed trailer and take it to the farm where I would glue it together and set it up. I wasn't looking forward to taking it all apart again just to glue it back together, but what I didn't know at the time was that I wouldn't have to worry about taking it apart. So, I get it on the trailer and I strap it down. I head out for the farm. I didn't want to temp fate so I only drove 45-50mph. Things were going well, I was singing along with Tim Mcgraw when I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw my kayak rack all askew, straps blowing in the wind and the truck behind me flashing its headlights. Great! I drove probably another mile looking for someplace to pull over. I got out of the truck and the guy following me pulled up. He says "You lost one whole side about 2 miles back." How embarrassing. He helped me secure what I had left and then I headed back up the road to find what I lost. There it was on the side of the road. At least it fell on the side and didn't get run over or worse yet hit another car. There I am gathering pieces and parts of pvc while good ole' boys in trucks drive by slow trying to figure out what I am doing, then laughing when they figure it out. Like I said earlier at least now I don't have to take it apart to glue it, its already in pieces. Miraculously I had all of the pieces. It was like putting a puzzle together. Then comes the gluing process. Pvc cement is just that, cement! it practically dries before you even put it together. Very hard to reposition so it has to be put on right the first time or you end up having to cut it off and start over. Starting over was not an option since I didn't have any extra pieces with me. I got the first tier together without too much trouble. I had a sinking feeling momentarily when I thought I glued the wrong length of pieces on the front and back. Luckily I was ok. The rest of it went together pretty well aside from dropping the glue container 3 times and fighting off a nest of wasps that made their home on the trailer side rail right where I was assembling the rack. Not to mention I was in the direct sun on a 90+ degree day. Mind you, I am not complaining. I bring all of my troubles on myself. I didn't have to make a kayak stand. The kayaks were doing fine just lying on the bank of the lake, but I have a need to make things neat and orderly. Plus when the kayaks are on the ground, snakes and spiders like to make their homes in them. I like to have projects to do. The truth be told, I like all of the funny and unexpected things that happen. I learn from my mistakes (usually) and it makes me laugh and gives me memories. I will probably continue to challenge the laws of physics. Who knows, I might win one time or die trying. By the way, when attaching a trailer to the back of a 4 wheeler remember that the muffler is hot! I learned that lesson yesterday too.